Since I've been making an effort to date, I thought I'd take a moment and share some of my experiences.
1. Lion. He was cool, downtown type, from LA and had that artsy vibe I love. Something was off, I figured he was divorced and hadn't mentioned yet or something. I started seeing some unrelability, like he was gonna pick me up at the airport and we'd have dinner, build a fire. He'd take care of everything! He picked me up, but hadn't gotten any wood, hadn't thought of anything for dinner. He went over to Circle K to get a cord of wood,then spent thirty minutes complaining about a lack of kindling while I made a frozen pizza that I already had. But we had some fun, I can hang for a bit. He had a business, and I Googled his name a couple of weeks after that. My knees went out when I saw his picture and address listed as a registered sex offender. I'm compassionate and stuff, but given the other things emerging, like me paying for 75% of dates, and the time he parked his car in my garage without mentioning the oil leak he knew he had; or how he had this thing about training my dog, or picking apart the plans I had for a remodel I'm working on at my house. I have considered sending him 'so there' pictures to show him that my budget was right on, that my choices turned out beautifully. Anyway, I bounced a ball into his court to end it. Weak Sauce? Maybe. But I had my reasons with that one.
1. Talking to this nice enough guy, but he's looking to get going in lead generation. Works off and on in call centers. Asked me if I wanted to come over and burn down. I never responded to his invitation. Normally, I'll all for an RSVP but I just don't think it's rude to skip responding if the invite is for illegal drug use with a stranger.
2. Artist. I don't know him, but have probably been at a few of the same parties over the years. Getting to know him. Seems pretty cool, very open, very sexy. He mentions a mutual friend of mine. I drop her a line, in no way expecting what she returned. He's banged two women I know and frankly, I don't think hanging out with someone who's casually hooked up with two associates of mine is really conducive to meeting a guy I would get involved with. I told him this, and he respected it, which I actually truly appreciated. Anyone who can toss up a 'fair enough' and respect my personal space on an issue like this one is alright by me.
3. Older Guy. Who misrepresented his age and got cagey when I pressed for more accuracy. Got a little cute flirty in email, my attention was caught. I'm cool with a few years' distance. I usually date up by five or six years, why not ten or twelve? I sent some extra pictures, let the age thing go. I go to check email between league and team practice, and the guy has sent pictures of his Chinese ex-girlfriend, pole dancing, and riding a yak. ? Maybe it was supposed to be a joke? Even if it's some weird joke, at no point is it appropriate to send pictures of another woman pole dancing and/or of your ex to someone you've never met and ostensibly want to meet and see if there's any kind of romantic connection. Seriously, what the deuce? And the hilarious part is that then the guy called me a princess when I told him his had been disrepectful and disappointing, and that I wanted no further contact. HA. Me. A princess. He also put it out there that he'd welcome dirty talk from me. Um, who wouldn't? But that's not the point. The point is you're fifty something, posing as forty something, to meet thirty something women and then being extremely inappropriate with them when you happen to get their attention. ?? Really?
As a woman*, you're dmaned if you do, and damned if you don't, I think. You can be making an effort, and meeting people and when they're not the kind of person you want to be meeting, or when someone sends warning signs and makes you uncomfortable, don't say anything unless you are ready to be called names!
Do men think calling women names will hurt our feelings, or make us question who we are, and how we expect to be treated? Like, "Oh no! A stranger called me a princess!" That I'd go running to my friends, worrying about how I come off to men? That it would somehow cut me?
I've been in love twice. I have the grace in those relationships to still be close with them, to still matter. And they matter to me. And we're all aware of it. The loves I've had are men with whom there was never any skeeviness, men who from the minute I met them had an open honest smile and a pull to be around me at least as strong as my pull to them was. There was an intrinsic knowing, a sparkle of energy. There was no question I would be with them. I just knew. Both times. Like a photo memory, an imprint happened when I met them and I knew viscerally that I'd be with that person for a good long while, that he would matter to me in the huge way that only true love can evoke.
I'll be in love again, and I hope it sounds like a Foo Fighters song next time.
But it won't be with somone who doesn't follow through, who leaves out major life-changing information, who wants to blaze but hasn't even had dinner with me, who scores on my friends, or who thinks it's funny (?) to send provocative pictures of other women, and who asks for input on my sexual prowess before we ever even meet in person. Then tells me I'm out-classed. HA!
And I mean seriously.... if I was out for just sex? I'd take home one of the 26 year olds who seem to be EVERYWHERE these days.
For a purely physical relationship, or to fast-forward into one, would you pick a 26 year old guy, who thinks it's awesome you let him in your house, let alone that you have good beer in your fridge, or a 45 year old guy who falls asleep at 10 and complains about his job for an hour and 38 minutes of everyday?
This is a no-brainer.
*Earnest men have a whole slew of this kind of bullshit, too, I know. But for the moment, I want to talk about women. I know men have it hard, too and I'm actually really sympathetic to their plight in modern dating. But for here and now, it's about a collectively female experience.
arizonasarah at 9:13 a.m.