2004-12-17

Matthew

You know how everybody is different and stuff?
I have this thing where I totally recognize that not everybody with whom I am friendly is like, OMG! my best firend.
I have this thing where each of the very few people who are in my Inner Circle (and, no, the Inner Circle does not vote people out like on the Real World/Road Rules Challange and p.s. Eric from the Original New York and Mark from RR Season 1: GET A FUCKING JOB), each of those people is so preceisely unique and so indescribably special to me.
It's almost like I can taste them and savor them each for their own qualities of flavor.
The one who I am thinking of the most today is Matthew.
I miss him so much that even reading his innocuous emails makes me tear up.
Nothing dramatic or traumatic happened -he just moved away from Tucson little while ago - but he is one of the most important people ever for me. Ususally when you move, you go through trying out different groups of friends and drifting around until you make up your own little band of buddies from all the groups you've drifted in and out of but Matthew wasn't in any of those groups. He was just my neighbor.
He was my first friend when I moved here and we have cried together, smoked together, gotten train-wreck drunk together, heard each other doing it, and hated on each other's sweethearts.
I still think of the apartment next to mine as Matthew's apartment and probably, I'll think that for as long as I live there. I childishly but admittedly am a little resentful of both of the people who have lived there since Matthew moved. It's not their fault that they aren't Matthew but they're not and sometimes I hate them for it, way down deep. I can't think of anybody, since Andrea Snowman in kindegarten asked me if she could be my friend....
I can't think of anybody who ever-so-gently reached out to me and pulled me close enough to see in focus. He so sweetly put in motion what for me is a lifetime of loving him for being the goofy kind-hearted person that he is for me.
Never will Matthew not be important to me; with neither justification nor explanation, I love my friend Matthew with all my heart.

arizonasarah at 1:26 p.m.

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