2005-02-14
Cruel Irony
I'm so pissed off I cant' really function. I should not be here but if I were to leave, I would probably go get drunk or something and that's just not a good idea at all.
I just had my review and I was shocked and appalled.
I have done some major projects this year that nobody else has even thought of doing. Were any of those mentioned?
No.
I have won two performance awards this year from my company. Were those mentioned?
No.
I was told that I don't do good work.
Period.
And I have an attitude problem. Addressing the attitude portion of this discussion, fuckin' A, I have an attitude problem. Ever since the manager who makes me cry came in and ever since I was put on a team with people who don't ask me to do anything but make copies, I do have a fucking attitude. Yes, and that attitude is for shit. What would your attitude be if you were in my shoes? How about if nobody addressed this with you until you got a shitty review? How would it be then? How about, and I'm just hypothesizing here, but how about if you are going along with yourself, trying to do whatever it is you think you're supposed to be doing and nobody ever mentions to you that you are not doing it very well, so you have no idea that you're not doing it very well?
Then let's say you have a review and you're pretty much told that you suck.
How the fuck would you feel?
I feel shitty and that makes my attitude suffer, fuck yeah it does.
God I'm sick of trying and being told that I suck without anyone ever telling me that I'm messing up.
You know, I'm tired of getting screwed over.
I'm tired of being the one who makes a positive comment, who sticks up for other people, who tries to tell the truth, who calls people back, who accomdates others even when it isn't convenient in the very slightest.
I'm tired of saying "Yes, you can." and then being told that I'm wrong for even trying to help out.
I'm tired of trying to be a team player when there is NOBODY ELSE ON THE TEAM. I'm getting introuble for things that I have no control over and then getting trouble for trying to take the reigns. For example, I get asked to do a census. If I don't ask questions, I get it wrong. If I do ask questions, I'm told that I'm pushing back the work.
Fuck that.
Which do you want to be incorrect? Do you want to have to answer my questions and feel like I'm not willing to do the work or do you want me to get it wrong because I can't read your fucking mind?
I can be standing at someone's desk, working on a project of mine and someone else will come over and take it over when I was handling it just fine. And I have the attitude problem?
Fuck yes I do. How would you feel? You'd feel like a worthless slob and you'd get to the point where you would slink away and hope that nobody speaks to you. And when somebody does speak to you, you wouldn't feel particularly inclined to speak back in a very positive manner. Even when you say repeatedly, "You have to let me do my job," and the other person does not hear you - over and over and over - what are you supposed to do?
So, I asked that question and I did not get an answer.
That's great.
What am I supposed to do?
I am asking and I'm not getting the answers that I need.
So you're not hearing what you want to hear?
No, I'm not hearing anything at all. I am being met with blank stares. I have straight up ASKED for guidance and help.
Instead of getting the help I asked for when you first came in and changed things to function in a way that was new for me, I get a shitty review.
Nice.
Nice fuck you.
Nice Next Big Thing in a list that seems to be never-ending.
Oh, and furthermore, if you're going to cite a spelling error as a deficiency, you may want to spell check the review you just handed to me. There are two spelling errors.
Irony is cruel, huh?
arizonasarah at 12:30 p.m.