2005-02-16
David Stringer
I am melting a little.
I'm working on a giant project that I want to finish today and I have a tiny project that I'll totally finish and then I'm leaving and not guaranteeing a return tomorrow.
I'm worn out.
My signals are all screwy - ask for help but you have to do it a certain way and don't ask for too much help because you'll have a bad attitude but even if you ask the wrong way, you won't get an answer.
I guess I've caved in a little bit.
A little bit more.
I'm going to see David Stringer Friday night and thinking about makes me cry. Thinking about the sweetest messages that I have had from Namoli and from Tania in the last week makes me cry but..
the last time I saw David Stringer, I swear I found God. Namoli and I were together back then and I remember she was playing with him and at the break, she came over and asked me how it was up there on the ceiling. I was totally feeling all alive and deep and unfettered and well, out-of-body, I guess.
I can't wait to feel that again, at the beginning of a weekend. I hope it'll help me feel like I count as a part of something because I feel so much the failure and I am starting to want to act out on those feelings in ways that are not all that healthy.
But I don't care all that much. To dull the agony and to dull the lights that seem to twinkle in me, drawing attention even when I don't want it would make me so happy for a little while.
I need a break, I guess; or at least an injection of some spark of divinity.
I know it's a lot to ask from one chanting dude and his band but if anyone can reach me there, it's David Stringer.
arizonasarah at 2:15 p.m.