Yes, I Have a Crush on Myself

Yes, I am said I am dating myself.
And I meant it.
Ever since I can remember, I have had someone else around. I've had a boyfriend or I've had a crush, and most recently, I had a girlfriend AND a crush and my consistency in the love zone is embarrassing. It seems like I can never make up mind and I get "You're not sending clear signals", or "If you say you want X, then why are all over Y's tip?"
Truthfully, I don't know the answers to these questions, so I've decided to date myself and see what it's like to have me as a girlfriend.
I'm guessing that it is pretty awesome. I mean, I am adorable. Rachel Ray adorable. At first, it was just a crush and I didn't know where it was going to go, but lately, I've been spending A LOT of time with myself and really getting to know hopes, fears, dreams, and history and truth be told, I'm falling smack into incredibly intense feelings for myself.
Maybe all that bullshit about "Nobody will love you if you don't love yourself" is true. You can't have a full-bodied affair with someone else if you don't know what they're getting and if you are afraid of showing them what they're getting, right? So how can you get used to your own plummage?
I did a once-over and I found myself to be somewhere above repulsive and I am NOT letting go of that feeling for awhile, dammit. Sometime while I was laying out last weekend, I remembered how cute I am and it felt good to feel that I actually like my body because it is an attractive to me.
I know!
I was surprised that I wasn't disgusted at the idea of me in a swim-suit, either, right?
I walked around my HOUSE in my SWIM SUIT and I haven't enjoyed doing that since I was 15.
So then I realized that I have a big, fat crush on myself and I thought, "Go for it. There is truly nothing holding you down on this side of sanity. Go for it - date yourself."
It was weird for me to hesitate because I usually know whether or not I would hang out with someone for awhile immediately and on the "finding myself desirable" idea, it's taken like 30 years to respond positively to my advances. This is the time where I might start seeing the person, or I might just announce to the whole planet that I have found the love of my life because telling everyone that you're in love feels great, even if you only THINK you are in love because you spent a fun night playing pool and doing Redheaded Slut shots.
It MUST be love.
Well, I proclaimed my love for Sarah while I was rolling around drunk and laughing hysterically on Super Neighbors' floor. I basically want these people to adopt me because they are so nice and real and I think they would make excellent parents for me. One is from Texas (yee-haw! She's from Mexia, just like a certain Trim-Spa spokeswoman that you may know as... Anna Nicole Smith!) and the other is from Maine and how the twain had met is their story to tell.
How they came to adopt a loving 31 year old woman, desperately in need of the guidance and healthy meals is my story.
Oh no.
That's something different.

Anyway, we got all kinds of loaded on Reisling and Honey Browns and it clicked in my head that not only do I think I am adorable, but I would totally date me. I think I was cracking Michael and Sarah up with some story about some jackass who lurks in my history and it drunkenly dawned on me that I am just delighted by myself.
Remarkably, that feeling stayed with me through the hangover and yesterday's harrowing work day. I dig me.
Fuck all that spiritual terminology and philosophy. The main thing is that I get it that you have to love yourself before anyone else will love you but I also get that it's not like some kind of half-ass worrying about whether or not you should eat the fourth donut hole. It's about totally reaching in and squeezing and bringing back a handful of messy, delicious self.
God that's so gay.
The point is: I feel like I'm in love and the only person I see to be in love with around here is moi.
I think I'll skip my workout tonight and go to my house to make dinner for me and surprise me before the Amazing Race.

arizonasarah at 1:59 p.m.

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