2005-05-05
No Fair
I might be a fugitive in two weeks and I'm not even kidding.
I am currently dealing with a misdeamenor situation that I refuse to discuss in detail here. It is complicated, it is frustrating, it could happen to anybody that I have ever met in my life and it's the crown jewel to last year's cavalcade of crap.
And I may be prevented from going to Chicago for a weekend.
I don't think I can even put into words how ludicrous this situation has become.
I am angry and self-righteous and embarrassed and I totally get why people become criminals.
If you are rich, you can afford to negotiate a legal system that is not looking out for your best interest but rather, is looking for the best way to make quotas and score statistics that favor money from the vocal groups.
If you are very poor, you don't have anything you're trying to save. You can take full advantage of the system. It's not there to help you out but it ends up doing so, simply by the way it requires you to navigate.
If you are in the middle, you have enough money to not be in poverty but not enough to buy your way though the system, you are out of luck.
The middle people bear the brunt of punishment. The middle people have advisors telling them that things are unfair but those same advisors are not willing to go the extra mile, the way they do for the wealthy, who pay them; or for the poor, for whom they are required to serve.
I can't do this anymore.
I can't make this go away wihtout money and the emotional stress of riding it out to a better conclusion has worn me.
And things like this travel bit come up and wreck me.
It's never enough, you know?
It's never enough to do your best because you're out there, thinking that you are trying really hard and getting something right and then around the corner is someone who tells you that not only are you wrong, but that you have to be punished in every way you can think of - physically (there are physical consequences that are mandatory for my issue), emotionally, and financially.
I guess I know that a year or two from now, this will have blown over but I'm so tired of waiting for a year or two for things to blow over.
I want help and I want it now and it's nowhere to be found.
I have too much and I don't have enough to deserve help.
I'm tired again.
And my finger itches. No kidding, like itches really bad and feels kind of hot. I hope it falls off or something because then I could FINALLY qualify for the compromises that I need.
arizonasarah at 4:04 p.m.