2005-06-21

Did you Herd Me, Baby?

I don't know that I'll be able to do this thing today.
What thing?
All of it.
I feel like I didnít rinse all the conditioner out of my hair and I have nothing to do at work, despite the fact that my team claims to be over-whelmed with busy.
I don't think my team understands busy.
Once again, I am faced with the exceedingly tedious task of re-doing a form letter.
Will you do this in the format we used for "other client?"
Well, this one is the one that was used for this client last year...
"I want it redone."
W H Y
That makes no sense. If you really are busy, that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.
My other project?
Print out some form letters and make a binder.
Yeah... I don't know if I'm going to be able to figure that one out. ^You see, I've been coming to work really, stinking drunk everyday and looking like I haven't showered in years so I totally understand why you would be wary of engaging my mushed out brain in any activity that might be construed as work. I think printing letters, getting the printed letters off of the printer tray, hole-punching them, and putting them in a binder night be outside my ability levels.
At least there's a table of contents that I have to do.
Thank the sweet saints for that table of contents because otherwise, I might think that I am a complete and total drain on humanity.
How do you spell atrophy?
W-O-R-K


TIDBIT TIME!
ITEM!
I have figured out the Rosie is herding me! She's part sheep dog and she has to keep me and the cats in line, you know? If we get too far from her, she has to run over and get us back in line. She's very good at her job, considering that she will not let me out of her sight and if her kitty sisters show their little heads, she perks right up to make sure that they are not about to wander off into the waiting jaws of a wolf on the Australian Outback. She's probably too young to realize that this is Tucson and we live in a casita, not a hut anciently abandoned by Aboriginals and convenient to our herds of sheep.
Dumbass dog.

ITEM!
What is my damage with being all crushy-crushed out on someone that I don't know at all? I can't read this dude to save my frickin' life! I mean, I am blocked from all meaningful non-verbal communication because I don't get him AT ALL.
Which of course, make me want to tie him up on the shackles that I keep in the storage shed and strip him naked in a deliciously bad way until I know every minutiae that he has in that hunky brain.

ITEM!
If my mother would just go into business for herself already, I would totally be her admin staff. I could write letters and fax stuff and get paid and maybe even score a laptop. Which I really want, really bad. Hint hint. PowerBook, any bright color but mostly green, please.
Please?
COME ON GODDAMMIT, I WANT A LAPTOP.
MOOOMMMMMIEEE!!!!!!!!! GET ME A LAPTOP.
That felt good. Adults who try to deny themselves the occasional childish tantrum end up passively-aggressively trying to control everyone and make the rest of us look bad with their so-called maturity.
Whatever.
Have a fit.
It feels good.

ITEM!
If you have a pool and will call my office, pretend to be a long-lost cousin from Anywhere, U.S.A and get me out of here by "coming to surprise me", I will be your non-sexual slave for the day. A slave who is allowed to swim.
Sarah, seriously, do you know what you're saying?
Yes and here's the thing I know that you don't: I am an expert manipulator and a very cute girl. It's not fair but for the record, I do try to use my powers for good instead of evil. Can you really make me get off of the raft I'm on and get you another Clearly Canadian? I look so comfortable and peaceful.
I didn't think so.
Come on! Let's go!!

ITEM!
For once the Lite Rock isn't hurting my head! Styx is playing and I am making up a video for it in my head. There's a lot of fake fog to resemble dreamy myst and there's a lot of white billowy fabric draped off of an 80s chick, with mall bangs and a gold-rope headband. She has consorts, of course and they are moving their arms in a weaving motion, which is hard to do considering their silver billowy robes.
And tight shots of the shirtless band. Hello?

What's a Lite Rock video without a shirtless band?

I think Iíll spend the rest of my day thinking about shirtless Lite Rock bands, crushes tied up in the shed, and a herding puppy.

arizonasarah at 8:11 a.m.

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