Coyote? Cat? What's the dif?

Watering the plants.
Does it have to be a Federal Case?
I have these neighbors who are a little possessive about the fact that Joseph asked them to water the plants in front of their apartment. The possessiveness is odd because they seem sort of put out and not that into doing it. The thing is, there are a LOT of plants at the homestead, and the plants aren't getting enough water. There is an automated system that usually waters all over the property, leaving only a few things that need manual attention. When some neighbors recently moved out, the automated system went down.
Did the Water Police up front notice this situation?
Come on - you know the answer to the question. I wouldn't be asking and bitching if they had noticed the auto-system no longer watering and if they had stepped up and gotten aggressive about the maintenance required here.
H2O Cops, if you are so serious about the chore, how do you NOT notice that the little hoses sticking up from the ground all over the property are NOT spouting any water?
I emailed The Princess about the auto-system being out and the people who know how to fix it being on vacation; he advised to open an actual line at a point of access in front of The Watery Halls of Justice's place and allow the ground cover in the front of the property to be soaked from half an hour or an hour each day and then to use hose-watering as best I can for the rest of the property.
No problem. Big job, at least an hour every day, but that's cool.
Rosie gets to run around while I'm doing this work and I spend a good hour and a half in the evening watering and monitoring and moving hoses and calling the dog names and cursing at the fine, little needles that are stuck in my chest when I am reaching the hose to a good spot so that it can be left to run for awhile. It's not something that I want to be doing but it needs to be done and so I picked up the proverbial hose and did it, right?
Last night, after the dog is in and the watering is done and I've showered off the mud and slathered up in hydrocortisone to ease the itch of lantano leaves and Mexican Poppie thorns, I get a knock on my door.
I was totally tempted to ignore the knock because I was in the middle of a championship game of Tetris. I am the Supreme Ruler of Tetris and I was on track to break 350. My currently (high score) record is 360 and I KNOW I can get that down. Way down.
I had to answer the door because it was partially open. Knocking Officer of the Water would have seen me in my sarong, deep in the Tetris. You'd think that Water Whiggum might have seen that the pets were all stretched out, not moving for once, and might have left me alone. Sidenote: Having three pets is a little like what it must be like to have a baby. I absolutely see red when somebody disturbs the sleeping times because there is never a minute that is cat or puppy free. And dude, when they are all asleep and I have Tetris records to shatter.... be considerate.
But no. Pets are not children and people don't think about that when they knock on the door and then wait for the 18 minutes that it takes me to heave my fat ass off the couch and then get in position to open the door. I have to grab for the dog's collar, step on Maggie's tail with my right foot, and repeatedly shove Grace backwards with my left foot. Answering my door is a lot like playing Twister. Going from Tetris to Twister is an unpleasantly jarring action when it happens around 8:30 and the evening cool is starting to come in through the screen door.
"Are you helping us out with the watering?"
"No. I'm actually doing it."
Ha! My actual reply was, "The auto-timer is off, so nothing that usually gets a little water is getting any water. Joseph emailed and asked me to take care of it."
"Well, we're concerned because there's a great big puddle in front of our house." He said this like I was four and needed emphasis on the fun words in order to follow along the conversation.
"And? I need to let the water run long enough to create a pool, a little of which will soak into the ground, eventually."
"Well, is there any way to prevent that puddle next time?" I could try standing with the hose for 3 minutes, watering desert ground that hasn't seen rain in over a month and then there probably wouldn't be a puddle in the driveway but otherwise...
"No, dude. The vegitation needs the water to run long enough to flood so that the water has time to soak into the ground." I explained both that this is how Pri-Jo asked me to tend to the matter and how in my experience with a Midwestern draught, this is how my mother watered. If my mom did it that way, trust me, the mo-fo method will work. She doesn't fail.
"Well, we're just worried that there's a watering hole up there in front of our place and we saw an animal - it looked like a cat but it was reaaaaal big."
"Ummm. I don't think there's anything to worry about?If it was a cat? They're generally not dangerous..." By now, I'm laughing almost visibly and I CAN NOT IMAGINE what these people are going to do when monsoon arrives and the goddamn town is a watering hole. This is Tucson, Arizona. There's a lot of wildlife. Scorpians, sewer roaches, rattlers, and coyotes live in town, just like me and you. Get over it. As for the puddle in the driveway, that's nothing compared to actual monsoon and hey you know what? That puddle will be there tomorrow when I water.
And tomorrow
and so on, until Joseph is back to fix the automated system.
Enjoy the view... you could think of it as a water feature? If you'd like to take over the maintenance, I'm fine with that but everything looks like it's about to crumble into dust and blow away. You HAVE to flood to water effectively. Ask the Egyptians.
"Well, we're just concerned up there because there could be a coyote comes up to the watering hole and..."
How rude of me, I cut him off and impatiently used his name. "Look, Copper, there is not a coyote in the driveway and if there is, leave it alone. It'll dig through the trash and go to the next place. As for the water, I was asked by the owener of the property to take care of it this way and I agree with him on this. You have to let the gardens flood because the water isn't going to sink into the ground for a few hours. I'll be watering again tomorrow until the sprinklers are fixed."
He blinked and left so I went next door to gossip, natch.
I'm so hot and I'm so frustrated in the other (financial) areas (jail) of my (work) life (Tetris) that I don't find this stuff amusing anymore. I'm supposedly friends with these people but I am so tired of having to reassure them that there isn't a fucking coyote lurking in the driveway or that when Joseph suggested renters insurance, he didn't do it because of some known problem. It's a PUDDLE. DEAL WITH IT. I made the puddle. It's my fault, so you come to my door about a fucking PUDDLE? That you can walk around? It's a big puddle and I did create it but for crying out loud, re- to the -lax. It's not a watering hole. It's a puddle. It's a puddle that is a stream compared to the river that monsoon season brings.
If I have to reassure them one more time, I am going to lose it.
When monsoon hits, I am not listening to one, single vocal concern about the flooded street or the puddled driveway.
Not one.
If Water Police up there made any sense, I would do things differently. Although it's hard for me, I am open to more reasonable ways of doing things. But give me something, don't just knock on my door and tell me that I made a puddle in the driveway.
I KNOW already. I get it: Puddle.

We made plans a few weeks ago and I got really sick and couldn't go out that evening. I told them late in the afternoon and I said, "Go on though. You'll have fun, it's a really neat event."
Later, I learned that one of them was critical of me both for not going and for letting them know that I couldn't go so late in the day. They ended up not going to the event and not happy with me.
I wanted to shout, "FOR THE LAST TIME, I WAS SICK. S-I-C-K not well, SICK. It has NOTHING to do with NOT FEELING LIKE GOING OUT and NOTHING to do with YOU or with my EMOTIONAL HEALTH. I can't stand up without feeling lightheaded and SICK to my stomach. Oh! And also? You're allowed to go out without me."
I have literally felt that I've been asked to explain how sick I was that fateful, cancelled plans night for the last three weeks.
Let it go, my little chickens. Let it go.
I'm going to flood to water, I'm going to cancel plans, and I'm not going to give a fuck about coyotes that may or may not be drinking from a puddle in the driveway.
And I am not, under any circumstances, going to answer (again) your questions about monsoons, flooding streets, renters insurance, and Joseph.
I've done all that I can do here. We should remain friends but for the love of god, quit acting like you can see The Four Horsemen in the reflection of a puddle.
They're not real!
The coyote?
$100 (If I had it) would go to the person who can say, "It's not real! It's a cat!" fastest. Hell, for all I know, it was Rosie, who is trusted most days to be off leash if I step outside for a minute. No, she's can't just run around loose but if I go out to my car, she takes a mad dash around the property, I call her name, she runs to me, she stops to peee, and we go back inside.
And also?
Who the hell confuses a cat with a coyote?
One is cat-shaped and the other is dog-shaped.
Christ, I want to hit something.
And dudesm if you're reading this, calm down. Seriously. that's all I'm asking. Chill, relax, let it go - that's all I want. It's a puddle. It's some watering. I was sick... just relax and let it go, okay? There's no need for the twittering.

arizonasarah at 8:27 a.m.

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