2005-08-04
I Win Some, I Lose Some
A lovely dinner was had by all.
I went to bed on time.
I fell asleep and stayed that way until a truck sped through the ally at 4:10 am.
No worries. I fell back asleep.
I dealt with the neighbor dogs of the week, my hair looked great, I made it to the car early enough to run 2 errands before work.
I sat down, shut the door and was reaching for my seatbelt, the car wasn't even in gear yet, and my bitchy neighbor guy came over.
"Can you come with me so you can hear what I hear?"
Now, I had been in the car for 8 seconds. Rosie barks when she hears the door shut. The dog was onloy barking for the 15 seconds that it took me to get to the car.
He could not have heard her all morning because I TRICKED HIM.
The dog was in my neighbors' yard until the moment I left. I planned to trick her today and I was ready to drop her in the general vicinity of a bone and bolt. I even had all of the crap I lug to work every day sitting on top of the Bitchin' Honda so that I could confuse her with a magical disappearing act.
She wasn't even in my house until right about the minute that he would have exited his.
I officially win.
I knew I could out-think him with little effort and -
ha ha!
I did.
I now have proof that he's bitching for the hell of it. He can whine all he wants and it's not going to mean jack to me. He is either hearing a different dog or he's imagining barking and if that's the case, he may consider a visit with Dr. 1-800-I-Hear-Voices.
Apparently, ANY bark that she emits is a problem for Queenie. Although I know better than to try to climb up on my very favorite Stallion of Self-Righteousness, I do want to pause for a moment and shout to the world wide web:
I FUCKING WIN BITCHES! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Now, enough with the fate-tempting and on to the bitching. The ac is broken in my office today. Luckily, I dressed nicely and have a lunch meeting with a client and their life and disability carrier.
Did I say "luckily"? Because I should have said "Dammit, I am going to be the smelly one at the table again. I'm so tired of being the smelly one."
I shower every, single morning and HOW do I manage to look like I just woke up, didn't have time to make it to the bath, and haven't cleaned my hair in 3 days? By 10 am? How, I ask you, how? I am cleaner than almost everyone I encounter. There are *people* out there who don't wash their hair every day and who don't brush their teeth before bed.
I do these things and yet by 10 am, I look like a fugitive, wild-eyed and needing a good brushing.
There are those people who go like 3 days and they look perfect. They are unshaven, crystal deodorant-wearing, multiple dog-owning, swamp-cooler dwelling people and they look fantastic without a shower.
Meanwhile, I'm over here looking like walking through a car wash and paying for the extra minutes with the scrubbing strawberry bubble brush isn't going to make much of a difference and I should probably pay for a manual wash by the high school kids in the royal blue shirts.
Great.
Now I'm freezing. The ac must be fixed. Now I'm going to have to spend the rest of the day shivering and listening to my teeth chattering.
It is probably a really good thing that this is the end of the week for me. I seem to be having more than my fair share of adjustment issues. I have also successfully skated around completing a number of projects that I put on my daily list.
Every day.
None are finished.
So I have to do them today, or the week was for naught and...
we can't have that. I need to go out of the week with something crossed off of the list, or I will feed my freakishly shrunken ego and being to believe that I don't deserve my job, or some other crap like that.
Today is also, according to my trusty horoscope at Astrologyzone.com, the best day of the year for me to start a health regimen.
Considering that I am going to run to the Payday Loan center instead of the gym, and that I had already talked myself out of yoga at Yoga Oasis (we're still going back and forth about Yoga at Providence tonight - "What's the problem - just GO, you'll feel better! Look, it's an earlier class, it's walking distance... what's the big? Buzz up there and buzz back, no harm, no foul and you'll feel the benefits for hours!"
But I have cramps.
"So? Are you dying?"
I need to be home in time for Big Brother.
"A. You don't like Big Brother this season and I have caught you on numerous occasions reading or playing Tetris while you purport to be 'watching Big Brother' and B. Providence's class is over at 7 and the show you don't even like but still want to 'watch' is on at 8."
I'm supposed to walk the dogs with VG later.
"You are pathetically uncomplicated."
Fuck this.
I'm totally going to go to Yoga, just to show myself that I can have an entire argument with myself and lose and take it like a champ, right in the kisser. I can't not take advantage of an astrologically perfect day to embark on the reclamation journey to my formerly perfect body. I am admittedly starting to miss it in a BIG way.
Enough to quit buying saltwater taffy at the cheap "organic" store?
Unlikely.
Enough to lose a fight with myself that finds me arguing illogically about not going to work out?
With all the teenage grudging surrender of rebellion that I can muster, yes.
arizonasarah at 9:25 a.m.