2005-08-18
The Unamazing Test
Oh my Gee-Awd.
It's really unfortunate that I know so little about the required information to master in order to achieve licensure in the state of Arizona for my given profession.
On the other hand, I know absolute morons who have passed and so what's the big, right?
It's not like I have test anxiety. Quite the opposite, actually.
Normally when I have to take a test, I prepare by visualizing myself sauntering in with a rock star outfit, porno shoes, heart-shaped pink sunglasses and my number two pencils stuck in my long, cool hair. I'd already have ordered a pizza to be delivered mid-test.
I feel like I should take this one a little more seriously, though. I dunno. Maybe because once I pass, I get rewards.
Maybe because I want some more street cred in the industry.
Maybe because it matters?
I'll pass, I know I will because if I don't?
I'm like going to call and quit my job, or somehow schedule myself to re-take it the same day after I get back from selling my car to some lucky passerby for the cost of the exam.
I need a litmus test to screen for cool people.
I think I'm going to work on some kind of written regulations as to how I can identify cool people and not be tricked by a good show; conversely, also so that I won't fail to notice a cool person who does not show his or her hand.
There've got to be consistencies for this stuff, you know?
My bff just called me a skank. She didn't even capitalize it. I'm not even a Skank. Just...
skank.
How sad. I'm just an unfortunate adjective, not even a noun.
Adjective.
Bitch, I am more than an adjective: Love it, Live it, Lose it, mmmmm'kay?
We were totally going to try out for The Amazing Race until we went to North Carolina together last winter and a series of klutzy, doofy events fortunately opened our collective eyes to the fact that if we got on the show, we would embarrass the hell out of ourselves.
It would no doubt be worse than any team, ever.
It's completely conceivable that we would leave our passports on a train in Minsk and get to the airport and have to go to the main train station and get distracted by a cute boutique and then arrive at the main train station about 7 minutes after it closes. By then, we'd know we would be eliminated and would have dropped any of that bs camera-talk: "Well, we're keeping on! We just have to hope another team made a mistake.." We'd be all, "Well, we totally fucked up. Camera dudes, do you want to chill on the high pressure angles and get a brewski before we sleep in the doorway of the main train station here, or can someone call Phil to meet us right now and put us out of the misery that we are bringing into 2 millions CBS-viewing homes at this very minute?"
I have to study.
You better hope I pass because if I don't?
I'm going to start an Internet rumor about you and trust me, while I might suck at Amazing Race-oriented activities, gossip and rumors are a forte for me.
You better watch it, buddy.
arizonasarah at 12:41 p.m.