2005-12-14

Take a Chill Pill Brad

I think that there might be a lot to be said for setting the tone of your day.

For example, if you wake up and take your dog out and get some sweet puppy playtime, followed by a very hot shower and plenty of time to dry your hair, you will be more likely to have a lovely day. You haven't felt threatened, stupid, or angered at any point during the first hour of your day. Things proceed as they should, nothing arises that can't be thought-out, acted-upon, and placed neatly in the "Out box" that sits at the edge of the desk of your life.

Conversely, if you wake up late and are forced to end a visceral dream in waking, only to find that the dreams was... well... a dream, you are already looking at the first of a shitty hand you're going to be dealt.
You run from your bed to your shower, forgetting to pet the dog and once in the shower, there's no water pressure. There's not enough hot water. Your hair is hanging limply and all you wanted to do - no - the LEAST you wanted to do was shave your legs so you wouldn't feel gross all day.
This is when the profanities start welling up in you and sure - you stave them off for a couple of minutes.

But you can hear those jackasses next door; doing whatever disgusting things they might be doing to each other at 6:50 in the am. You don't know. But yo8ur imagination does and your conclusion in that the sick fucks next door are ruining your shower, on purpose, with a game of Wet Willy (adults only) that could actually, probably wait until AFTER you get the conditioner rinsed.
But whatevski.
You get dressed - nothing special because there's nothing special going on today, right?
Keep that in mind because, trust me, we are going to touch upon it later.

You get to work and start the day with a meeting in your bossís office. That's great and nothing bad happens in there, for the grace of the mother of god, "For once!" you think as you leave.
You get to your desk and about an hour later than usual get to have coffee.
That nobody has made because they are all lazy fucks, waiting for someone else to make it so that they can then drink it.
And that's when the Christmas music starts poking you between the shoulder blades, mercilessly. The Lite Rock that plays 24/7 over the speakers in your office is playing 24/7 Christmas music.
I am here to witness, people.
I can't lie to you.
I was waiting for my coffee to brew, an hour after I am usually drinking it.
I can smell the submissive members of the corporate pack circling around the kitchenette, waiting to steal a few drops of the coffee that they are seemingly incapable of making for themselves, hence for ME WHEN I AM FUCKING LATE, YOU ASSHOLE PSYCHO LAZIES.

I hear Celine belting shit about Noel and before I know it, I am clinging to the edge of a rocky emotional out-cropping. The pressure on my fingertips is causing my entire body to convulse. You know this feeling.
Psychotic break!
Yesssssssssssss.
Sunken eyes?
Yup.
Sallow frown?
Indeed.
Unbearable ache in every atom of your body?
Hell yes!

I snapped today. I feel like shit, I look like shit, I FORGOT that I had a MAJOR, off-site meeting that would easily last all night if I let the biggest client I have run on and on and on and when, go ahead and take a guessÖ when do you think that I realized the meeting was not an internal one to discuss stuff here, frankly, to talk about them?
At three pm meeting and I realize that I am meeting with my CLIENT, in their BOARDROOM, at twelve-thirty pm.
Conveniently, I realize this while I am in a meeting where I am trying to explain that we donít have Quark Express and we canít do what some joker promised we could do.
"Well canít you just write it and then theyíll add it?Ē
ďOnly if you want it to take for-fucking-ever, only if you have an infinite number of excuses and a big fat raise, in cash, ready to roll for me. In other words, no. Itís not possible unless you want evil graphic artist enemies made. For LIFE.Ē
ďWell, I guess Iíll do it myself.Ē
Thatís a ploy. When someone in a Cubicle Castle says "I guess Iíll have to do it myself,Ē thatís a ploy.
Thank me later.

So now, I am headed to a meeting that I am essentially completely unprepared for.
Iíve had a melt-down the like of which I bet the Viking didnít believe me about when I offered that I sometimes had trouble controlling my emotions.
My hair is still full of conditioner, so I am going to look like grubby kid in front of a BIG client.
I have convinced myself that there is no Jesus and no Christmas and no such thing as puppies; that the only real things are the ones you make up to comfort yourself when the Super Flu is released and you are an Unfortunate Survivor/Involuntary Savior of mankind.

I am thinking that I wonít come back to the office after my meeting, that maybe today?
It would be a good day to go for a little head-clearing walk or something.

arizonasarah at 2:05 p.m.

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