2005-12-29

2005 I Mean... What Else Is There to Say about That Jacked Up Year?

This is it - the last post of the best year of my writing and the last post of possibly the worst year of my life.

At least I've learned, finally, that if there isn't a body count, the so-called tragedy is most likely manageable with patience and a little diligence.
And you can totally have a nervous breakdown without losing your job.

I absolutely can't stand it when cool bloggers post sentimental stuff but then again, I am a gigantic hypocrite and frankly, I'd like to take a minute to look at the 2005: Retrospectively

January: Facing jail time, I learned that Casual Boyfriend was screwing his ex. Awesome. I learned this the day after I got shoved, mugged, and then snapped and chased the robber out of the restaurant and over a brick wall. Did also I mention that I wasn't allowed to drive anywhere that month?

February: Facing jail time, I huddled on the couch with a bottle of pills and my cats. At least it wasn't that cold last winter. I even skipped the Gem Show.

March: Facing jail time, my mother and my aunt visited and the result was disastrous. Note to self: Do not have people over when you are hanging onto your sanity for dear life and they are coming out of a major relationship. Tucson rocks and you BETTER give it another chance because I'm not leaving anytime soon. And I got older. At least I could drive.

April: Facing jail time, I chewed off all of my fingernails and I started dating myself. It was pretty sweet because neither of us really disagreed with the other one.

May: Facing jail time, I went to visit my BFF, Chelsea Dillavou. I had a BLAST and besides running into Ben Helm, an idiot of the first degree, I met a dude at a bar in Chicago. He will show up again in a minute.

June: Facing jail time, I got convicted. This sent me back to the couch but with an addition - a PUPPY! An adorable little dinner roll named Rosie joined me and Monsoon Season got underway, both outside, and in my cloudy, blackened heart.

July: Facing jail time, I stuck close to the couch, still. But I had to take the dog out to pee. And for walks. And we met people, other people with dogs and they were really nice people so... you know... maybe I'm not a little pile of shit with a dog.

August: I did some jail time. 24 heinously long hours of it. It was categorically, the worst night of my life. I don't think there's another low for me but if there is, I don't want to know about it in advance, thankyouverymuch. After jail, I returned to the Couch of Safety.

September: I almost went to see Namoli play one night but I was still getting really freaked about not being at home.

October: I went to the dog park. I went to yoga, too, on Saturday evenings. I love that class and I can't wait to go back to it. I emailed Rakers and he didn't get it, which made me realize that he never, ever will and that me and Steve are 100% finished with each other. I lost a bunch of weight around this time, too.

November: I went to the dog park, and to yoga. I called the dude form the bar in Chicago. I went to Illinois at Thanksgiving and not once did I think of Rakers. Not once did I think about going back there to live. Not once did I feel nervous and creepy. I had fun.

December: I started dating the Viking, (who used to be the dude from a bar in Chicago) for reals and I learned more about my doglet. I finished everything dui-related except for the money. I had the MOST AMAZING Christmas ever, riding my bike with my friends and then sitting next to Namoli at the piano, singing my off-key heart out.

2005 can mostly kiss my ass.
But there are pieces - really, really important ones, that I want to make sure I look at with a clear heart.
*Rosie, my dog;

**The Viking, my boyfriend;

***Thanksgiving, and how much my extended family and I care about each other regardless of how my sister thinks about me and acts toward me;

****Work, it's work but LOVE my company. I want to stay there and I've been researching how to do that and make what I am worth in the marketplace. I finally see that I should make more money now. I finally see that I know what I'm doing.

*****Rakers, Goodbye. What can I say? You took your time and then I took mine. The whole thing was.... long, rich, and textural in everyway. You are my first love. You'll always be Big for me. I wish it didn't have to be so venomous all the time with us but... it is. Maybe at my 20 year reunion, same as your girlfriendís, you know, maybe by then there'll be enough distance - I won't hold my breath and I'm sure I'll be a total bitch and ask you not to go but don't worry, there are like, YEARS that are going to pass without us thinking of the other one and by the time I'm back in the 'Patch, maybe, just maybe, we can be civil.
If not - I loved you and donít ever think that I didnít. I've finally taken the stuff that was good with you and found it, with a few tweaks to suit me better, in an amazing hunk of non-pretty boy Viking.
Here's to moving on, Stevie.
Finally, and for both of us.

And 2005?
Here's to moving on from you, too.
Thanks for the AWESOME stuff that I found during your span but understand that there is going to be hell of a lot less bonding time with the couch and that next year, it's all about the action for me.

Action to make more money, action to make better memories, action to have a cool dog, action to go back to the yoga studio with some conviction, action to keep these pounds off, action to keep remembering that I'm not a little pile of shit with a dog, and serious action to keep my friends close and my enemies none.

Love ya, bitches!

arizonasarah at 11:37 a.m.

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