2006-07-20

Is She Always Like This?

So you're saying this dog is sick?

Yes!

Does she normally run around like that?

Ummmm. That's a pretty excited version but uh, yeah. I've seen her do that - I call it the Death Rattle. She does it right before she passes out for a nap.

She's pretty energetic for a dog with Valley Fever. Rosie! Sit.
Stay.
Lay down.
Does she know roll over?

No, but watch this.
Rosie! Up. Spin! Spin! good girl.
Sit.

See?
She's breathing heavily now.

Well... we don't call that breathing heavily so much as we call it 'how dogs breathe.'

Oh.

Look, Sarah. Her heart sounds great, her temperature is normal, her weight and her coat are spot-on, her mouth is healthy except she has some teeth that could be pulled. Her breath isn't even that bad. This is most likely not a sick dog.

?
She has been gagging coughing! She was like, a scene from La Boehme on Tuesday! She was DYING.

In the 30 minutes you've been in here, has the dog coughed? At all? With all the running around and the tricks and the jumping from chair to table to floor to chair to table? (Rosie is an athlete, no doubt.)

No.

When was the last time she coughed? Is it maybe environmental?

Hey!
Wait a minute...... Monday night?
A sewer roach flew in right after I took her out before going to bed. I saw the nearest weapon in a spray bottle of bleach and went Ancient Chinese Secret on the motha'.
Rosie started coughing at about 3 AM.

She really hasn't done it since Tuesday night.

Okay.
We're going to test her for Valley Fever and for Heartworm and you are going to remove all chemical cleaning compounds from your home.
You're then going to learn how to kill a sewer roach without ever having to come within 7 feet of it. It's a mind-trick and it works.

Now go home and get yourself cleaned up. You've got bacon-egg-and-cheese biscuit in your hair and I really hope that's an ice-cream stain on your shirt.

I'll let you know in a few days how Rosie's blood looks but I would guess it's nice and red and healthy. In the meantime, no more harsh chemicals to kill bugs.
Don't you have two cats who do that for you?

arizonasarah at 8:45 a.m.

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