The Longest Shortest Month Ever

I had to quit sugar again.

In case you've never done this, don't do it. Just go on with your rotting teeth, your flakey skin, your whatever else I would name if I had an clarity of thought whatsoever but I don't because my ears won't STOP RINGING.

I think I even have sunken eyeballs and I can tell you that if the pounding in my skull doesn't stop, I am going to crawl to my Bitchin Honda, put it in neutral, and see what the hell happens.
Hopefully, it will roll through a car wash before me and Hondy meet our shared demise because it would be sad if a dramatic and sugar-withdrawal related death happened in a car as dirty as mine is.

God's Car Wash isn't working for me because SNOW is dirtier than rain.
Hold up.
What up.
But you live in Tucson Arizona... cacti, rattlesnakes, scorpions, and all those movies where reddish gravel crunches under filthy cowboy boots and all you see is a cigarette drop and get ground out by the boots but you KNOW something awful is totally going to happen next.

It snowed and the snow stuck.
I woke up yesterday, "It's 28 degrees right now. The time is (way later than I usually get up)"
This morning, "It's 32 degrees right now. The time is (way later than I usually get up)".

Seriously, I had a learning experience this morning. Consider that I've never had a dog and that since I've had a dog, until this winter anyway, the average winter low was probably like 55 degrees for where I live.

I never knew that a steaming pile ACTUALLY STEAMS.
I now know this because at 28 degrees, I took Rosie out so she could doody and well well well.
Who knew?

I now understand that reality of the meaning of the common middle-school slur "You steaming pile!"

Did I mention moving?
forgive me, it's been 20 minutes.
If it would warm up, I wouldn't be forced to waste precious time not doing anything but huddling myself and my pets around the stove or a small space heater for warmth.
I would be able to feel my fingers and toes in my unheated shit-hole apartment and the fact that the windows don't "close" completely wouldn't be so obviously contributing to my failure to even reach Level Fucking One of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.
I can't stop shivering so, newsflash, I'm not going Out There to drive around aimlessly calling landlords who want to rent for February 1, not March 1.

Sadly, here's a snapshot of February and be sure to note that this is only as of today.
God knows what else could happen in the shortest month of all:
1. Seattle. Sounds cool? It's not. It's a work-related problem and I get that panicky feeling of hot tears when I think about it. I have to leave at 4:30 AM and be completely client-ready. Thinking about this makes breathing difficult.
2. Review. See above.
3. More meetings. See above.
*********I can't even begin to address how hard work is right now. I'm trying to deal but have no idea how to. I'm totally stumped.**********
4. Skills test. It's too cold for me to feel comfortable going all out. I can't get my muscles warm enough and they won't fire the way I expect them to. Since this is a lower priority than, say, KEEPING MY JOB, I hope it warms up enough for me to not get hurt and to not have to put too much mental into the days leading up to it. I don't have that right now. I just don't. (See Item 6. Or 1, 2, 3)
5. Western Regional Tournament. It's here. I'm in charge of check-in. I am 100% not prepared as of today. Not cool.
6. Find an apartment, pay the deposit, find a truck, pack up all the shit I am currently pretending doesn't exist and move to this so-far hypothetical apartment.
7. Team placement. This isn't even ranking on the list, man. I'm too swamped with everything else. I literally don't care anymore.

Chances are good that I do not get through February without chopping off my hair or over-drafting my account or something.

So I figured I should head off some of the jitters in advance by quitting sugar again, which I did, as of today.

Mad props to people who can stop something and not have tunnel vision and nausea.
I'm not one of them.
I feel dizzy and angry and I hope it passes or at least makes me tired enough to fall asleep and stay asleep, which would be a lovely little treat considering that I've got this new thing - I can fall asleep but then two hours later, regardless and exactly, I wake up and can't fall back asleep.
It's not cool because you think you're going to fall asleep and have a good night's sleep and you fall asleep but then the stress of your life pulls up to your subconscious and lays on the horn until you're fully awake and then it drives off while you're standing there, freezing in your robe and shaking your fist and too angry to fall back asleep.


arizonasarah at 12:29 p.m.

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