Satan's Advocate

Satan's Advocate asked me to be his MySpace friend.
It was tempting, believe me, especially when I checked out his pictures of the fun times he's had pillaging but in the end, I was a little too creeped out and I clicked on 'Deny'.

My friend Oxcide and I were discussing a story about a Texas politician who was facing hard times on the campaign trail and so he shot himself in the arm and blamed a crew of Satan-Worshipping cult members.

We agreed that we didn't really believe the myths about Satan worshippers, the ones about the sacrificing babies and virgins.
Positively, there are people who praise the devil.
But roving bands of blood-thirsty cult members shooting unpopular Texan politicians in the arm and eating small children?
This just doesn't seem likely to me, given that it might be easy to find unpopular Texan politicians but finding a baby that could be used for a sacrificial feast might be a lot more elusive.

Then I get a note from Satan's Advocate, who is 31, Capricorn, and lives in Chicago and I can't help but notice how close in proximity these things are.
It's not like I often discuss Satan and it's certainly not everyday that Satan's Advocate sees something likable in my MySpace page, likeable enough to email me about pillaging.

And honestly, that is a little bit creepy.
I don't fully subscribe to a belief in Satan, to be honest.
God, yes, but I feel like God is a continuum of divinity and if God is truly all of everything than God is also evil and therefore Satan is not some angel that messed up in heaven, fell, and began amassing power in darkness by deveining virgins and pillaging the countryside for babies to eat.

But this MySpace page was creeped out, like maybe Satan's Advocate believes that he would roast a toddler if he found one during a pillage.
Images of rats, holy desecration, and that ultra-weird music that isn't intelligently twisted enough to score a story by Poe but that most definitely indicates something fucked up and Satanic is about to happen to the person in the A & E Biography you're watching.

In the pictures of pillaging, he pretty much looked like any other 30-something dude resting on any curb in any parking lot in any city. He had a backpack on, which I guess would allow for easy carriage home of any loot. There were no bloodstains, no upside-down crosses, and no nothing to indicate his position as Satan's Advocate, although I'm sure if an iPod ear bud were to pop out, the whole train would know from the fucked up background music like from a movie: Evil Soundtrack 11.

I can't remember where I was going with this except that this MySpace page was sad, not that it was pathetic because it wasn't.
But here's this guy who thinks that Satan is his master.
He runs down some creeped up music,
he believes he is pillaging when all he's probably doing is marauding.
He's chillin' at MySpace trying to make some friends maybe hoping that his MySpace page carries a dark curse to seduce those who view it and make them join him in advocacy for Satan.

I guess in a really simple way, it works.
He creates this alternate reality and it's off but it's identifiable with normal things we all recognize and then goes out into the dark of the MySpace night to try to impress the ladies with his stacked imagery and (shutter) music.

And it works, right?
It's the next day and I'm writing about it, so somewhere Satan's Advocate is hunched over a computer, in a cubicle, secretly checking his MySpace before he turns his attention to finishing the pillaging supplies list he needs for this Thursday's hypothetical event.

Although advocation, I never thought, had anything directly to do with recruitment, any time an impression is left enough to be thought about the next day then the attention sought has been given.
Satan's Advocate wanted to get my attention and make sure that I noticed his Alistair Crowley wallpaper, his crazy bank of Nazi images, gigantic rats, blurry black blobular things and his music and he did.
He got my attention.

But not enough for me to believe in baby-eating or roving virgin sacrificers pillaging city parking lots in the great Midwest.

And also, just a quick note on MySpace and stuff... why can't I find a version of Thunder Road by my Secret Celebrity Boyfriend?
I need it.
Just trust me and send me a link if you have it; or maybe not a link. I usually need pretty specific instructions more than a link.
If a link fails, I fail.
If instructions fail, I can try different things and usually one of them works.

Thunder Road.

arizonasarah at 8:50 a.m.

previous | next