2007-02-26
You're so Pretty
Moving is unreal.
It's so awful.
I basically feel like crying all the time and I feel like I'll never have a home again.
The number one hindrance is the fact that I have yet to have hot water.
Because I don't have gas.
Because there was a leak in the shut-off valve for the hot water heater.
So I am stuck trucking clothes and soaps and dignity to whatever available shower I can find when ALL I WANTED TO DO was take a fucking bath since I haven't had one in years.
Yeah.
YEARS.
I can't feel at home until I can cook.
This means I need the stove.
No gas?
No stove.
I've spent more money on shittier food than I've spent/eaten in months.
This doesn't do much to alleviate the feeling of drowning under a pressure system of too much to do.
The cat?
Freaking out.
The dog?
Total basket-case.
Me?
See above.
I have the urge to take these epic naps.
Saturday, it was three and a half hours.
Yesterday was 2 hours.
Today, I can't really take a huge nap because of that whole burn of having a job but I have picked out two very small tasks to get done and then I'm going to take to my bed.
After I call my suitor.
He's 22 and I mean, just turned 22 like... a week ago.
But he calls me to tell me I'm pretty and before he has to go into class.
He text messages me that he was going to stop by but he had to work.
Work is... not exactly like actual work but it sounds like a lot of fun.
He gets to do his homework there in the downtime.
He's so adorable, I can't even stand it!
Like, he's very serious about talking to me about how we're going slow and how his ex-girlfriend treated him badly even though they were going out for 2 months.
I'm sort of trying to be funny but I have to be honest - there's a few reasons why I'm delighted by his attention right now.
Not the least of them is that it's the kind of idle that I love. It's refreshing to me on every level to not hear negative slurring lurches of familiar conversation and it's nice to have someone who's SO light-hearted around.
I know what time it is but it's just nice to have someone who's young and excited about life tell me that I'm so hot and call me just to tell me I'm pretty.
He can't believe I don't have tons of guys around wanting my attention.
I love that.
It's make-believe on one hand it's the way things SHOULD be on the other.
I should be adored like that and I should be with someone who is slightly incredulous about why I would pick him from the sea of swarming potential lovers.
It's just a way of feeling special and shouldn't we ALL feel special, chosen even, by the person we kiss with tongue?
The answer is unequivocally yes.
And of course I know it's a distraction or a folly and that I am unlikely to fall in love with someone so young.
But it feels nice to be treated well, even if I make jokes he doesn't get or even if he was like 9 when I was dancing in a cage at On Broadway.
I know that I could never meet his parents and be taken seriously.
But for a minute, I don't want anything to feel more serious.
I have enough gravitas.
I trust that the next guy, hand-picked from the sea of swarming potential lovers of course, will be more in line with my deep craving to be in love for real.
But for now?
Without hot water or a kitchen where the dishes are out of boxes?
While I've just gone from Newbie to Free Agent in rollerderby?
While work is spinning me in ways I didn't know I could twirl?
While I'm worried sick about the Moving Drain on my checkbook?
For now, it's nice to get a call in the middle of the afternoon just to be told I am pretty.
arizonasarah at 3:11 p.m.