Here's to Me, Mrs. Robinson

I've felt a little guilty about being a cougar lately.
Mainly because neither myself nor my helpless quarry is pushing for a full-on relationship although we are in agreement about certain things.

But I'll tell you why I want to see his text messages, and it's not because they commonly express concern over Britney Spears' antics.
Well, maybe that is the reason.

It's simple.

At 22, he's not had his grown-up heart broken and so women are not an Evil Enemy that can't be trusted and that must be defeated.
At 22, he's still got friends who are girls and they're.... friends.
I remember this; I remember having guys who I didn't really want to make out with but whose company I enjoyed.
Now it's not common to have guys friends unless they are part of a couple and even then, there's a deference to the wife or girlfriend and it's just an acknowledgment, "I'm closer to YOU."

He job searches and does homework and on his futon couch, there are notebooks with math problems.
Under his futon couch, there are snacks like Doritos and donut holes.

I forgot that a handy place to store snack foods is under the couch, so I'm glad to have been reminded and by such a cute guy with the ruddy cheeks and clean smell of actual youth.

Do I have any kind of unrealistic expectations about what's going on here, or what's going to go on here?
Of course I don't.

That's part of what I like about being involved in this though.
There isn't any expectation except to be nice and to....
never mind.

I think that's why I always answer the phone when he calls and why I am still giggling when the cute texting goes on for any length of time.
There's never anything too serious or heavy and it's refreshing to kind of step back and hear about the stress of a life that's still in the context of a middle class white guy who's a senior in college.

It's not stressful that way other lives are stressful and maybe that's circumstance.
Maybe it's personality.
It's probably a combination of those two forces but the effect it has on me is that I don't tense up when I'm around him or on the phone with him.

A guy my age is thinking about how I don't measure up to that one girl he loved who ruined his life.
He's thinking about how he can't believe he's divorced and a failure or He's thinking about the fact that he thought he would have kids and a house and deep down, he knows he would marry the first person that's vanilla enough to not be a threat to his fragile heart.
I donít need this kind of pressure.

Of course, if a guy my age made me feel as special and as light as this dude makes me feel than that would obviously be the ideal because I'm not delusional about the fact that, yeah, I want something lasting.

In the meantime, I'm really digging my new cougar lifestyle.
I realize that at any moment, he could not text me back and that would mean that he likely stayed up all night watching American Pie movies and making out with his neighbor who has big, 23 year old boobs. I know that, were that the case, I would get a text eventually saying, "We need 2 talk."

Until I see those 'words' in my New Messages folder, I'm going to assume that everything is all good and when someone asks me if I'm seeing anyone, I'll reply, "Yes."
If I'm asked what he's like, I'm going to turn on the sparkle that got me in trouble a lot when I was 22 and I'll say pseudo-mysteriously, "Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me."

And ummm.....
I'm on a team now.
With a name and a uniform and everything and I love it that everything fell into the right place all by itself and only by virtue of me doing the right things.

arizonasarah at 12:48 p.m.

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