Employee Number 15

The poetry of a crush is that it is stutteringly awkward yet heavy with possibility. Something amazing could happen, if only your Crush knew that you love him.

Of course, all bets are off once you open your mouth and admit that you feel sweaty and stupid when you're around him.
Once you tell him, that wonderful strech of possibility - the 'he might like me, too' is erased.
The allure of possiblity is the first thing to go once you admit your feelings and most of the time, what was once only stuttering awkwardness becomes awkwardness that found its groove.

Not that any of this has taken place.
I still secretly love Mr. Casa Video, aka, Employee Number 15. This could still go from being a Crush to being a Flirtation, which is as close to Major Relationship as I generally think I'll ever get.
Things don't look good though. I usually have to focus on his tee-shirt so as not to be caught staring deeply into his eyes. I have to chew on my lower lip to keep myself from saying anything weird or play with my hair so that I might seem even a little bit distracted from the burning fire of my utter devotion to him. I generally pay for my rentals with a card because I worry that if I were to pull cash out of my little wallet, a noisy shower of pennies or worse might fall onto the counter and then I would surely die right there of untold humiliation.
I've charged $3.18 so many times in the last month that I'm surprised my credit card company hasn't called me about Casa Video.
Or not.
I mean.... I rent up a lot of movies but believe me, they've seen weirder runs of small charges than this.
The other night, I knew I had cash stuck in my pockets and thought it would be good to NOT charge $3.18.
Big mistake.
I deviated from making a good, clean transaction to one that had me rooting around for too much of an awhile, desperately praying that I did actually have enough pathetically crumpled dollar bills to cover my rental.

I definitely have a crush and the object of my attention is captive behind the counter of the video store and I like to think that any smoothness he has is crippled by his green employee vest and that my own dissuavity is due to the number of fucking movies I rent because I want to see him every ________ night.
I like to think that even if he doesn't think to himself, "It's ________ night and I hope Sarah comes in! I have such a crush on her!"; even if he doesn't have a mutual crush, I do like to think that my attention is at least welcome.
It would be easy for him to see me in line and choose to allow another person to wait on me.
For real!
I'm not making that part up at all. That place is crawling with Movie Goons at any given moment and it would be really easy for Employee Number 15 to spy my nervous giggling, shy smiles, and obviously crustastic behavior while I'm waiting in line and then leave the counter area to go "find that movie" for "that person who called earlier."

So it happens that he waits on me a lot.
Hopefully, on purpose.
I like to think that he times waiting on customers so that he is guaranteed to get me but admittedly, I do my share of maneuvering and keeping an eye on things so that I know when a good time would probably be for me to get in line and hope that it's none other then Mr. Casa Video who say, "I can help you over here."

Shall we dance the Ancient Dance of The Crush?
Mais oui.

"Here's my.... umm... thing. ID."
"Oh, ummmmmm. Thanks."
- Silence -
"Here's your..."
"I can't get this... thing off."
- Security tab on the dvd - obvious metaphor for removing lingerie
"It's a whole three dollars and ummm.... eighteen cents."
"Oh! I have cash!"
- Not in that pocket. Or in that one. Aha!
This one has two dollars!
and keep looking for the rest.
"Out of four dollars, then?"
"Ummm, yeah, totally."
"I'll meet you ummmm.... over there."
-Leaning WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY over the counter to give me my dvd rentals - obvious metaphor for 'Don't go!'
"Ummmm... have a good night."
Have a good night."

arizonasarah at 12:28 p.m.

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