The Bad Sides of The Good

Over the last year or so, I've changed a lot.
I'm not particularly lazy or fat or broke or lonely.

While most of the time, these changes can be considered to be positive, wonderful things, in some areas they have led to deconstruction.

Phone Friends.
I don't have as much time or inclination to sit on the phone for hours ever night.
It used to be that I would spend hours of every night and weekend talking to people who live far away.
My social evolution has resulted in me not being able to pick up the phone every time it rings and talking for an hour.
While this isn't a big deal to most of my phone friends, there is one who says on my voicemail, "I guess you're avoiding me or something?"
"I'll try one more time?"
Now, this is a little unfair of her considering that between phone calls, she only gave me like 48 hours or something and she lives in a different time-zone but factually, my phone time has suffered for time spend with people who are not only in my same time-zone but in my actual town or even sometimes in my actual house.

Email Friends
See above.
Add to it MySpace, which is being considered for detonation. I am sick of getting MySpace Messages that read like this:
"want to fuck? hit me up"
Chances are really slim that I want to fuck anyone who says, "hit me up" because it's a phrase that I do not understand at all.
I can't figure out how it has become something I would want to do when I've always thought of it as like, something I don't want to do; for example, hit my parents up for money,
That's not fun and I am highly unlikely to hit up some 36 year old Taurus who is both high school graduate and proud parent for sex.
Trust me, it's much easier than all of that.
"Hit me up" just pisses me off.
For reals.
Do not test me on this.

Personal Time
I have none, or at least I have very little compared to what I used to have.
I've had to address a lot of things in my schedule to accommodate having a life.
No longer am I able to go to bed at 10 and sleep for all 8 hours and spend 2 or 3 hours throwing the ball for the dog after work.
I've had to finely tune the clock so that everything is carefully carved to balance all the responsibility.
One relationship suffered but I guess if THAT one did, then it just wasn't meant to be.
But I couldn't do it.
I needed to have some time to stretch out and daydream, time after the dishes are done and the work-out is finished and the emails checked and the dog exercised.
Sometimes, there'll be someone who is welcome into that space.
So far, I've found that I need my down time to be spent with me, myself, and I in order to feel a sense of being recharged.

Om a completely separate topic, I fear summer.
The mosquitoes are already biting me so I'm pretty sure I'm going to get West Nile Virus this year.
I've had the first couple of mornings of waking up sweaty and not really unsweatizing until I got to work, wrinkled and angry.
I've already had several afternoons of fighting the impulse to throw shit at the sun and hope that if I can hit it, it will break.
It's early May.
This can't be good.

arizonasarah at 8:32 a.m.

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