Five Things That Are Supremely Not Fair

Things That Are Not Fair:

1. When you meet and click with a dude who has a girlfriend.
A serious one who is young and hot and who left her faraway, exotic home to move to the sweaty stanky armpit of the USA.
And even though she no longer lives in her tropical paradise home, it is safe to assume that next to this bitch walking down the street, I am likely to seem like a rutting pig rather than a lady who is walking down the street.
It's the sweating and the occasional grunting under the weight of each of my enormous thighs that does it.
I'm sure.

2. When you meet a great guy and he has both a girlfriend and a crush on you, it sucks that you might end up being The Sympathetic Ear.
This sucks because I'm not built for it.
I tell people what they don't want to hear: So end it.
Well, young girls are stupider than people in their thirties. I know. I was stupider then.
Then work it out.
Go on vacation.
Go with your gut.
Make your destiny.
Fuck off already, I don't want another reminder in my life that I'm all- a-fucking-lone.
I already am the girl at the game with nobody hugging her after it's over.
I already am the girl who reads, "Hit me up on MySpace" at least 4 times per week and I have no recourse but to feel like this is inappropriate, why?
Yeah exactly. It doesn't matter much. Nobody gives a shit except me when someone tells me to hit him up on MySpace.
I meet married friend for dinner and ride my bike home alone.
I meet live-in friends at parties and to exercise and to have a drink at the bar and every mother-fucking time, as the evening wears on and they become lazily affectionate as years of habit can cause people to become when they've had just enough alcohol to lower their public inhibitions, I am mother-fucking reminded that I'm not affectionate with anyone, that I am going home alone.
On my bike.

I don't need any more reminders, dude.
I don't need to be your Cool Chick Life Coach.
In fact, the fact that I can't handle being a Cool Chick Life Coach for you means that I not cool so perhaps it would behoove everyone if you would leave me the fuck alone.
There's that word.

3. I have to solve these problems for people who don't think about anything and who just expect that there's something wrong or unjust about the fact that they have a contract that they entered into.
Nobody on this planet is solving the troubles I've had with Sallie Mae.
I called the dealership where I bought my new car because I haven't received anything from the credit union yet: "Well. What does the contract you signed say? Oh, you don't have it handy? Well, if you're worried about it just give them a call."
No really all that helpful, you know, the person who set it all up and who, at the click of a mouse probably had the simple answer that I needed right there.

4. I got charged a late fee for paying my rent today.
It's Monday, right?
The first business day after the 1st?
"Rent is due on the 1st."
But you wouldn't have gotten a check until today had I dropped it off yesterday, right?
"Right but most people pay in advance."
That's a horrible business practice and I told them that.
"You're going to get this debit payment faster than you would cash a check had I dropped one off on Sunday July 1. You're actually going to tell me that calling you to debit my rent on today, Monday July 2 is me paying rent late? Really? That's a HORRIBLE business practice."
Is anyone gonna take up for me on this one?
I'm stone-cold out that cash.
And if the trees in my back yard aren't trimmed in the next 3 days, I am going to pick a time and call every, single day with relentlessness.
I may have paid this time.
They will pay now.

5. Quit fucking drinking.
You could have had it all.
Years ago.
Me, too.
Now I'm fucking stuck alone.
Every time I think I'm maybe not going to be dying alone or that maybe I'll get a chance to be meaningfully hugged by a man to whom I am attracted and vice-versa... every time I think there might be a chance for that, my hopes are dashed sooner rather than later.

These are the things that are not fair.

arizonasarah at 3:42 p.m.

previous | next