The Law of Attraction

I'm lost in Crushville.
It's not a specific person that's side-tracked me from my chosen path of self-pity and a multi-pet household.

Rather, it's a number of them and I'm side-tracked in various fantasy versions of meeting and charming each of them. I have different Major Crushes tri-weekly. Someone hits my fancy and I can't help but imagine what it would be like to meet the person in the context of him being spellbound by me.

I don't know if it's me or if everyone gets like, a ton of MySpace attention but I'm pretty popular there, at least by my small-town definition of popular.
It's probably the derby thing but lots of dudes want me to hit them up on MySpace or want to check with me to see if I'm into interracial dating or just want to say, "your pretty."
Fine by me.
God knows I don't get that shit in real life.
Or do I?

Sidenote: It was recently pointed out to me that I seem to not notice the attention I get.
This could mean that I need to go back to therapy or it could mean that the persons who've pointed this out to me failed to notice that the attention I get comes from either 24 year old college kids and bikers.
Lots of bikers dig Little SarahStar.

Today, I have this MySpace crush on a Texan.
Texas Boyfriend, Here I Am!
I seriously love that his MySpace page has the Texas flag on it and country music and in his pictures, he's got one face shot of himself in front of the Hollywood sign and a picture of a Roy Cox cowboy on a bucking bronco.
There's even a picture of a belt buckle in the shape of Texas.
Why this is sexy to me, I cannot explain.
But it is.
So I've got our relationship all worked out. He emailed me on MySpace and I replied a few days later. I am not shitting you about the volume of MySpace emails I get. It's weird, considering the song on my page goes back and forth between Workin' 9 to 5 by Dolly Parton and When Will I Find Love by Linda Ronstadt.
I told him about my plan for a Texan boyfriend, which likely means I'll never hear from again - not uncommon for me at all.
But in my head, he's totally already planning a first date to pick me up in his giant truck and take me to El Charro for dinner and then dancing at the Cactus Moon.
We'll laugh over a couple of longnecks and then he'll want to two-step.
He'll find it endearing that I don't exactly know how but I'm a good sport and a quick learner, even though at 5'2, I'm not the most elegant dancer in any crowd.
I'll become taken with his stories of growing up 4-H and as we wind the evening down, he'll be a perfect gentleman to walk me to my door and charm Roise effortlessly right before he kisses me on the cheek and tells me he'll call me in the morning.
We'll meet for coffee and agree that the night was fun but that this is sort of better, just talking and reading horoscopes lazily in a downtown coffee shop.

My friends are all reading The Law of Attraction and so they're all about thinking hard on what they want and then waiting for it to come to them.

I'm not so sure about this concept.

I mean, it makes total sense because sure, everyone has the ability to manifest what they really deeply want in life.
Or do they?
It's not like you can control who is attracted to you and if you do try to attract something into your life, wouldn't you run the risk of being so driven by attracting it that it no longer is authentic, no longer real but something that you've created and that you have to make certain compromises of self in order to keep?

Maybe not.
Maybe once you attract it then it takes on a life of it's own and you just have to hold on loosely (but don't let go. If you cling too tightly - you're gonna... you're gonna LOSE CONTROL!!).
You know, attract that which you want, see it come into your life and then let it be in your life instead of freaking out that you might fuck it up.

I'm obviously no expert as I have failed to attract the love and the money that I was pretty sure I wanted when I was a much younger girl.
But I certainly can't complain too much about what has been attracted to me - unexpected circumstances, fascinating and brilliant friends, one particular love that is timeless in the truest sense of the word, good parents, and the best dog, ever.
And lots of MySpace activity.

But yeah.... the Law of Attraction.
I just wonder sometimes if that's real and you can get everything you want or if it's more true that as you get more in touch with yourself, you begin to want that which you already have.

arizonasarah at 9:10 a.m.

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