2007-07-31
Love Ain't All There Is To It
I've got a ton of stuff to bitch about - I've been traveling and that's always riddled with funny business.
But the big thing that's been going on with me and not writing and stuff is because of my relationship with Jesus.
Remind me to write about fake dating, fake break-ups and The Longest Night.
But here's the thing:
I talked to him every single day.
I helped and took refuge and felt forward motion and still felt all alone.
And there are reasons for that, reasons I don't know enough about to write out here.
But it's over and I don't feel as alone again, which is counter-intuitve, I know. But relationships are sometimes like that, I guess... you sometimes do feel more alone with someone than without him.
Everything is clearer now, after this weekend and the fake ending of my fake relationship.
We weren't ever together in the last nine months but we were totally together over the last nine months. A fake relationship - you're together but you're not. You've been there, I'm sure.
Although I intend to break down everything like I said I would, for now, I need to make something very very clear.
I loved him so much, so hard, and for so long that I thought my heart would be crushed into dust under all that love. Especially if I left him again, I thought I could not survive that. I thought that was love.
And it was - it is - true and abiding love. But I learned something important.
Love is not all you need.
Love is an intangible and futile emotion if it's not honored with the actions of love that must follow the words of love.
I'm sad, of course because that was probably it.
Yes, it's ended and begun again so many times before this that it's possible we will always being and end this affair. Before, I ended it for myriad reasons, none of which had anything to do with me really believing that I needed more than love rather with me believing that we were not in love or were in love badly.
We were in love. It was not bad.
Love was simply not enough.
All of the emotion does not and cannot stand alone. A keystone does not make a building, pure and radiant love does not make a relationship.
arizonasarah at 10:44 a.m.