Surreal Phase

My life is a little surreal right now.
There are Mesozoic mosquitoes biting my ankles if I spend more than 14 seconds outside.
They are huge, so huge that I can see that their legs are striped in reds and browns, like a giraffe-colored zebra.

The old Mexican lady next door, who is about 4 feet tall was wandering in the courtyard last night when I went to take out some recycling.
She said, " alahad whaon tequila. dos ounces."
Oh dear.
There were tears over Ladycat, a big fat mean cat who was Persian and who got shaved. She wasn't the nicest cat and she made the Black-Hearted Albino look small, which is no simple task.
Whenever I called for Grace to come inside, the big mean cat would come running and would try to keep Grace away from my door. I obviously do not miss this cat but my aged Mexican neighbor does.
To the point of tears.
So she's lonely, and I'm lonely and the mosquitoes are killing me, making my already summer-bloated ankles swell to twice the size of my knees and she invites me inside to meet her pets.
"Mr. Rabbit!!! Mr. Rabbit!!! I LOVE YOU MR. RABBIT!!!!!!"
Oh My.
I've been asked to wait outside while she goes in to capture Mr. Rabbit who, from what I can see, is a massive red bunny with no tail.
Mr. Rabbit is better than a dog.
He has a huge cage but she leaves him out most of the time. When she opens the fridge, he hops in it looking for treats, much as Rosie would if I didn't have a major problem with seeing her dive head-first into what she believes is the Promised Land of my refrigerator.
"MR. PIGGY!!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!! I LOVE YOU MR. PIGGY!!!!!!!!"
Oh shit.
There's also a guinea pig running around. She told me that Mr. Piggy is smelly by waving her hand and crinkling her nose.
Mr. Piggy is long haired and not shy - as I was squatting by yet another cage to see the baby guinea pig, he ran right through my bloody, itchy ankles.
He felt sort of oily and like he would be smelly.
Yeah, there's a baby one, too.
I guess it's not allowed to run around like Mr. Rabbit and like Mr. Piggy.

She had a houseful of elephant statues and a big screen TV with a soccer game on in Spanish.
I mean, the elephants were everywhere.
I sort of loved them, to be honest.
they reminded me of Ganesh and how, like maybe this lady is attracted to the elephants because she's had a lot of obstacles to overcome.
So, you know, she's subconsciously like... "MR. GANESH!!!!!! I LOVE YOU MR. GANESH!!!!!!!!"

But I had left my main door open and my doggy in my house and I still had to get back across the dangerous wasteland know known as Mosquito Pass to see if I could find my generic anti-itch cream from l2 years ago when I was ultra-poor.
Last year, I wasn't an idiot and I put on bug repellant if I even though about leaving my house.
I don't know what came over me but I guess it was either dumbassery or arrogance as all of my friends have complained about the mosquitoes and I have been swarm-free.
Until now.

Needless to say, although I've been trying to shop away my troubles instead of eating them away and I'm sort of broke, I am going to make a special trip to Wal Mart to pick up some citronella candles for my living room and some Deet for my body.
Last year, I used Burt's Bees Friendly Hippy Repellant.
It worked but I feel like the throw-back bugs are worse this year.
I feel angrier.

I am angrier.
I set the tone for the next ten years by holding firm on what I wanted last week.
I set boundaries with one person last month and I set them with another person this morning.

Homey ain't playin' the "I need dating advice" game with anyone but her tried and true-blue friends.
Homey needs her own dates.
Yeah, that's the last funky thing that keeps happening.
I keep getting these MySpace friendships with dudes who want me to be their email shrink about women.
Fuck to the no.
Fool me once, Typing Chimp, joke's on me.
Fool me twice, Fred, and we're not going to be friends.
Why on Earth do these dudes think it's cool to essentially waste a girl's time with their troubles?
You're a STRANGER!!!
What are you offering me in return?
Nothing, nothing but the reminder that I am not someone you want to date and I am still left out in the c-c-c-c-c-c-cold with the mosquitoes and the rodent-loving Mexican neighbor-lady who, while VERY sweet, is just not someone I want to spend time with cuddling and holding hands.

I wasn't kidding when I said thngs are a little surreal lately, now was I?

arizonasarah at 10:53 a.m.

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