My Shell

I think I get tired of being the toughest one.

I am way down deep in a hermit-shell so that I can deflect all of the emotion that comes with the level of responsibility I've been left with in two areas of life.

It's mind-blowing that someone would say to me, when I asked for assistance, "I'm just not responsible enough for that."

Do you think I am?
Do you think it's fair to walk the hell away when I ask you to pitch in, when you see me all up and down the place covering this or that and letting people know when I'm not able to get to it and giving them a date of when I will have it done?

If I were to allow myself to get emotional about that, I would walk up to that person and tell her off in the meanest, coldest way you could ever, ever imagine.

So I opened all the closets the other day to see if my shell was where I left it last time I needed it.

And then this other area of responsibility asked me the same question 8 times and asked me to research the same thing 9 times and STILL doesn't understand what needs to happen next and that I?
Am not the person who can do it.

So I took the shell down and dusted it off a little.

And then at work, I listened to one person tell me that I was wrong and that was that )I wasn't). I listened to another one's 4 voicemail messages. I waited to hear from the one for whom I have very bad news.
I had to leave a message for more than one who didn't give me anything to work from, who called me to bitch but who didn't have any actual..... problem that needed my attention.

And I put my shell on.

It was very hard to sleep the last 2 nights.

arizonasarah at 2:21 p.m.

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