Car Curse

Does anyone watch 'Deadwood'?
I am going to rent up some episodes this weekend and I have a feeling that if I find myself enjoying the show, I might end up on the other side of this long weekend carrying a Winchester and looking into trading my car for a horse.

Which isn't necessarily a bad idea.
My car is having trouble starting and yes, it's another brand new fucking car.
What is it with me?
My history of vehicular disaster goes back to the day I got behind the wheel of a car all by myself for the very first time.
My dad and his friend Rutter sent me out to pick up lunch.
It rained just a little on the way and as I went through an intersection, something slipped and I ploughed into a parked van.
Of course there was someone in a wheelchair IN the van and her care-taker was changing her feeding tube.
I wasn't issued a ticket because the conditions were sited as the cause. Luckily the whole thing went down in front of a fire station and there's nothing like having a pack of sexy public service workers come to your sixteen year old defense in the face of your Very First Wreck.

A couple of months later, right after my dad died and left me money, the lady decided to sue me.
She lost - why the hell were they parked and hanging out on the street was the question.
I should have hung it up right then and there and I should have known that me and cars would be embarking down a path littered with dangerous curves and atrociously bad luck.

I wrecked a car once at my grandmother's house.
A side street had recently been made a one-way but MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE, it was a two-way.
I forgot that fact.
The other young driver hit me as she was speeding down the street that ran perpendicular to the one I was on. She didn't see me and nailed me.
She also tried to sue me, or her grandparents threatened to anyway.
Trouble with that was she was wasted at the time of the accident and all I had done was go to Dairy Queen earlier.
Plus the whole "she hit me" thing was going to be pretty uncool in a lawsuit prosecuting me.

There were other things and I quit driving after that happened.
At first, it was under great protestation but then later, it was fine with me.
I didn't ever have to think or worry or anything.
It was great.

Then when I graduated from college and prepared to do nothing, my mom moved out of state and gave me a car.
This was a golden period of Pax Automobilia. For 10 years almost, I drove my little Saturn without incident.
When the transmission finally fell out of the car, I traded for a Honda and drove happily for another three years or so. It was headed to 75K and it was a good time to trade it in. I didn't want to commit totally to that car because it was a coup and it was difficult to get things in and out of it.
Yes, with the exception of my Unfortunate DUI four years ago (.086 after meeting a boyfriend for pre-sex drinks and absolutely no intention of driving drunk. I did not in any way feel buzzed and would not have driven if I had felt high.), I enjoyed that gentle period of car confidence, I did.

Then I bought a lemon.
Then I damaged my brand new brand new car a week after I bought it.
At 2,500 miles, my car is not wanting to start easily and I feel more defeated than you can even imagine.
While I was driving home from work yesterday, my radio played 'Every Rose has It's Thorn' by Poison.
I began to cry, softly at first, thinking about my car, and then with more intention, begging God to please please please don't let this be happening to me because I

I can't, plain and simple.
My car problems are historic and wrenching and make me think of times in life that were not at all pleasant.
Car problems trigger that feeling of being the most atrociously bad-lucked woman on the planet and make me miserable on many levels.
the least of those levels is that I am a-fucking-lone and reliant on my car to get to work at a job that is farish away.
Without a car, I am screwed out of the time I need to get to and from work and to get to practice, or to the gym, or home in time to take the dog to the park before it's dark and dangerous.

So as you can imagine, I am working on thinking of things to be thankful for but at the moment, I am a bit overcome with feelings of grave self-pity and nerve-wracking worry that at some point soon, the car I bought at the end of this summer - the car I researched and thought about and fought with the dealership about, the car that everyone sees and says OH MY GOD! THAT CAR IS SO YOU!!!!!.... I am terrified that something is wrong with it and that the curse I thought to have been lifted is going to follow me for ever and always.

arizonasarah at 10:53 a.m.

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