2005-02-01
Help
For my upcoming birthday, March 7, I would like the following:
1. Dismissal of the Issue
2. The Shit Cake currently being served with day-old coffee to be replaced with a nice, red velvet cake and a skinny white chocolate mocha with whipped cream.
I can't get a break these days. Apparently, when I had assumed that nothing more could happen that has a disturbing or unpleasant impact on my life, I got cheated on by a dishonest Cheater Cheat Cheat.
Not too long ago, his ex-girlfriend from Virginia came to visit.
What ex-girlfriend? I didn't know that there was a serious girlfriend in the recent past. I also didn;t know she was visiting. You know, lies of ommission are still lies when the circumstances have to do with ex and current lovers.
The visit went well because they are going to "work it out". I told him to suck it. Moron, I told you BOTH times when my ex was coming down to visit. Moron, it took me 4 months of dating you before I slept with you - maybe I take things very seriously and want to positive that you're not going to...
I don't know....
cheat?
I am the Lonsome Loser right now.
And just, as I could have predicted, bitch wants me to make changes that suck. Not only do they suck, but they are to a FORM LETTER. Can I have permission to write a fucking letter and be a part of your fucking team, or am I out here waiting for you to refer to me as "Your help", or "Your girl." I wonder how many times I have to be told to not have an original thought before I start to actually pay attention and stop having any care with regard to what I do. She makes changes and calls them corrections. They are not corrections. They are changes. These changes are not the result of mistakes but of the fact that it is humanly impossible for you to let me do my job. Which happens to involve writing form letters.
I give up.
I'll do whatever I have to do to make other people happy but I am crushed by the Terrible Two and they don;t function within the changes prescribed to the department. I am into those changes and playing by the new rules and I don't particularly care how many times I get called in or in trouble with them. I am following the motivational teachings of my supervisor and department head.
The other two, for whom I do NOT exactly work for, can call me out a hundred times and a hundred times, I'll defend my work and why I did it my way.
I'm part of a team with my own responsibilities. Just because you would do something differently in no way means that I did it incorrectly.
Period.
Although I am sick to death of the weight of being a fuck up, it is never going to be lifted and I really need to start lifting with my legs.
But they're kind of worn out, too.
I need help is what I need; I need to feel that I am valuable and right now, I have not only no sense of that value but a diminishing sense of value. I'm -4 on a scale of 1-10, with a pounding head, a sobbing heart, and a cold, wet blanket of lonliness that I can;t get off of my shoulders.
I need this run of bad luck and bad things to end and I need the good stuff to be authentically validated. I need to feel something good because I am burning out.
arizonasarah at 10:10 a.m.