2005-02-14
Getting Fair
The sweetest Valentine, and frankly only one that I got besides the one from my mom, was from the temp in my department.
She's really sweet.
I feel aweful and again, to be frank, I challange anyone to not feel aweful if that person has everything going on like I do right now.
The guantlet is down.
If you can match this bullshit and still feel good about yourself than maybe you are a better woman than I am.
In the meantime, I'm going to start to take advantage of situations and make them suit me better.
I remember a long time ago, my and my mom's bikes got stolen out of the garage.
I remember that she kind of snapped and that it made sense. She was angry and felt taken advantage of, since the bikes were stolen during an open house we were having.
I feel kind of the same way.
I got my only Valentine from a stranger.
I worked my ass off all year and was just told that I really sucked.
I have had enough of being taken advantage of.
This stops now because it has to because I feel more and more like shit every, single day.
Not one thing that I did this year was praised.
Not
One
Single
Thing
Nobody sent me flowers - the people whom I dated this past year have broken up with me and hooked up with their divorcing best firends or have cheated on me with an ex-girlfriend.
Although Valentines Day only reinforces, rather than causes, how lowly I feel, it does a damn good job of making me feel low.
My only card was from a stranger and I can't even call attention to the major work that I've done, the major projects that have gone well - instead I got a bad review where I didn't even get to see examples of my pathetic performance.
I try to be fair when I review people.
Fuck that.
From now on, the gloves are off. If that's the way this particular game is going to be played, then I'll play it that way until I get to go back to school.
The next time I am asked for review input, I'll quit providing well-written, balanced observations and say what I want to say but am too mpussy to call a meeting and say to someone: You're a bitch who doesn't get things done on time.
Your desk is a mess and I can't find anything.
You don't call people back and then I have to hear them complain.
You're making personal calls all the time.
You play favorites with the people who sit by you.
You have been coasting on an excuse for 1.5 years. Get over it.
You lied.
You never say thank you.
You don't wash your hands after you pee.
I'm getting fair from now on; fair in the ugliest, most American way that I can think to be until I can think myself out of this pathetic excuse for existance.
arizonasarah at 2:27 p.m.