2005-07-01
Vive le Resistance!
Can you have a relationship with your dog that extends beyond "sit", "treats?", and "GODDAMMIT STOP TRYING TO NIP MY HEELS"?
I have been fighting with Rosie since I got home from work yesterday and I feel like I'm in a fight with a very immature person.
Like many of my boyfriends over the years, I want to leave her in the bathroom for at least 3 days.
My understanding, though, is that dogs can't NOT eat the way cats can NOT eat.
I witnessed Grace's three-day hunger strike, so I know that the cat thing is true but dogs? They have to be fed.
Stupid dogs.
Rosie got all wound up when I got home from work yesterday and regardless of the long, hot walk and playing with Bonnie and getting a Greenie and getting collared into her cage and any number of other behavior modification tricks, including but not limited to:
1. A stern voice. Rosie. No.
2. Biting the side of her mouth and holding her down on her back to show my dominant position in the home.
3. Ignoring her. This is the most frustrating because she's little enough that in attempting to ignore her, I get a wiggly puppy all up in my game of Tetris or digging under my leg which kind of hurts.
4. Walking her by her collar to her cage to show her that her behavior is unacceptable. Dude, I would be one of those parents who looks at my tatrum kid in the restaurant and goes, "Junior Child Surname. This is not acceptable behavior" and then COMLETELY expect that the child would respond by slowly removing an offensive hand from whatever food it is trying to smear on a dinner guest not seated at my table, and slinking back into its chair, patiently waiting for my next command. Request, I mean request.
I just hope this little turn for the worse is offset by some really excellent show-offy behavior from the dog tonight. I need to cover my grays and self-tan for my big plans this weekend.
Big plans!
"Omigod! Sarah! Are saying you're ready to leave your house on...
dare I suggest...
a social call or date?"
No dude. Please. I don't do that leaving the house thing - you should know that by now. My big plans are to go to Fry's instead of Sunflower and...
hold on, I need a deep breath...
the salon on Saturday.
Now that my hair has grown out into luscious locks, I'm going to get it cut into an actual style.
When I used to leave the house, I was renowned for my consistantly well-styled, trendy hair.
Since I have become border-line agoraphobic (Thanks Tucson PD!), I just put on my junky pants and a tee shirt and put my hair up and try to pretend that I'm just casual because I'm at home but....
I run errands like that, too.
I just don't want to go through the trouble of getting all dressed up when I have no intention of being gone from my place for more than an hour and when I am gone for more than an hour, it is at or before 7 - 9 am when I am pretty sure that the police will leave me alone. I know it sounds paranoid but have you heard of psychiatric breaks?
So what.
I had one.
It will pass and if it doesn't, I'll be the lady with all the pets and my house will smell weird and I'm fine with that. I like going out when I'm not in Tucson or when someone takes me out but otherwise, I don't even run errands that aren't on my way to or from somewhere that I have to be, like work.
I just don't like to be going anywhere here.... it's a lingering effect from the Year of Crap and I'm sure it will pass but for now, thank god there's VH1.
I wish I could figure out how to get a Star-Fade! on every email that I sent from my gmail account. Wouldn't that be kind of cool?
If I sent you an email, when you close it, or leave your email, you'd see Star-Fade.
It's a remote chance that I would ever figure it out, though. Hell, I can't even figure out how to get the links I want working here in Dairyville.
Everyone's all busy and freaked out at work today and I am really super-busy with some copies - 200 of each! I have some form letters to send out, too but I better not send them until someone takes a look at them and changes two words or takes out a space or something.
I mean, seriously... that would be an affront to the very fabric of society if those form letters went out with the words I put in them and if I didn't change that one space after the date.
You know, I started the day smiling and laughing and talking to myself and now? I feel like shoving someone.
Probably because it's the Fourth of July Weekend and there is some redneck gene way back in my recesses that calls to me from the abyss, begging me to be trashy and violent. I wish I could take credit for that theory because I love it and it sounds like some of the crazy crap that I come up with but I can't; I got it from Hunter S. Thompson in his book, Hell's Angels and I think he got it from some other source.
If you're headed to the biker bars like I would be if I ever left my house, or if you are taking the childrens to the fireworks, like I would be if I did not live in a state where "wanton sparks" can spell "major fire", have a safe and happy celebration of our nation's Independance.
You really need to get it on this year because in all likelihood next year?
People like me and other intellectual fringys will have been rounded up and if not lobotomized, courtesy of the Federal Government; we'll be living anything but free in an undergrounds tunnel trying to keep the Left alive.
Puritanism Sucks!
Come and get me Fascists! I'm waiting!
arizonasarah at 9:54 a.m.