2005-11-02
No More Questions, Please
Over and over and over and over, it does not pay to be female and to voice your concerns, questions, analysis to anyone who did not ask for it.
A guy says things that I say and he's left alone. He's not called into anybody's office, he's not asked to explain himself, and he's never expected to listen to stories about childbirth.
Twice in the last 24 hours, I have been asked to explain myself, or defend my decision on things that no man would ever have to address, once he expressed his feelings or concerns.
In one instance, I changed my mind. I considered several facets and realized that there was too much room for risk. The concerns that I expressed were met with anger and immature simile. Not too mention spelling that is admirably worse than mine. I was not allowed to say how I felt and have things be left alone. I had to delve into my decision and explain it, showing that I am a sentient person, not just an emotional girl.
In the second instance, same story, different setting. I had to explain myself and being polite, even removed, got me nowhere. I had to do deeper, at the request of my foe.
Which is total bullshit.
When I dude says, "This is what's going on," does the world at large question him? Obviously not, or dudes wouldn't be fucking up the price of my fuel, the amount of my paycheck, what I can and can't wear and still be "decent", and my relationship with the real god. I'm not saying that women don't fuck things up, too - we do.
But I am saying that if men were questioned one tenth of the amount of times that women are asked to explain themselves, I bet my life would be a hell of a lot different right now.
I don't think I can count the number of times that I have relied on information from a guy and had the SAME PERSON follow up my own exposition with uninterrupted questioning of my personal or professional judgments, along the lines of, "Did you check that angle?"
To which I am forced to reply, "Yup."
And later, "Yes, I did."
And finally, "Fuck, YES! Listen to me! Read your fucking emails! Did you hear anything that I just told you? Anything? No? Let's stop at Miracle Ear on the way home and then we'll see who hears me now!"
I wish I was kidding. Men question women, women question women, and women do not question men.
Why can't there be a basic acceptance of intelligence and trust once I have proven myself to be of the same, or higher, capability?
Why?
Why?
Why?
How does that feel?
I'm so sick of being asked to defend my decisions. Why the hell do you think I spend so much time on my own? I never have to defend my work to my dog.
Who's a girl.
I am starting to become a serious man-hater and I'm starting to not care. Here's the thing: If I could get the same respect and have the same innate authority that guys have, I wouldn't be so resentful. If I could have stayed young and stupid and drunk, I wouldn't be so resentful.
But I can see shit from miles away and it's NOT pretty. It doesn't work. You need to listen to me.
arizonasarah at 2:55 p.m.