2007-02-12
Burned Bridges, Crossed Fingers
You can be honest or you can be uncomfortable.
I chose honest and it's possibly going to get me in a world of trouble.
But seriously.... if I'm being asked my opinion in terms of, "What works for you?" then I owe I it to everyone to be completely honest, right?
And there's one person who doesn't work for me.
I don't feel comfortable around that person or have the level of trust and communication that I feel like I would need in order to be successful.
So I totally told her leadership people about that and it ain't gonna be pretty for me.
But it's true for me so I guess I probably did the right thing for myself. It might hurt people's feelings but you what?
My feelings have been hurt along the way.
I take my lumps.
I know which way the wind blows, okay?
And I am confident that not being completely truthful in this situation would have lead to me being asked to do things that I would end up hating.
As it is now, I risked NOT being asked to do something I love doing but I think in the end, it would work out for the best.
It's like a boyfriend.
If I had to work around enormous issues everyday and feel like I'm hitting my head against a brick wall or losing my patience or my temper all the time, why would I want to be in the relationship (Viking)?
I'd rather be single (for a year +) than have to spend time deciding how many times I can let the phone go to voicemail before he freaks out and shows up at my house.
Ditto on derby.
I'd like to be in a place where I'm totally wanted even if it means I have to wait longer and be a free agent.
Being on a team for the sake of being on a team isn't really where I'm at.
Not being honest about how I feel isn't where I'm ever at.
Burning bridges and crossing fingers is so much more my style - it's risky I know.
But when I am able to get that deep, deep feeling of satisfaction - knowing for sure that I've gotten everything out in the open so it can be sorted through, dealt with?
I love the feeling of being completely clean and up-front about the things that I need in order to be able to really gut down and work hard.
This doesn't mean I'm tactful all the time or timely and I get that people only hear what they want to so.... if they want to hear more negativity that I really express or if they want to take something personally that isn't a reflection on them, I can't control that.
Which by default means that I carry a torch around and light up many bridges.
It also doesn't take away my innate optimism that things will work out; I know they usually don't work out but I figure that if I'm honest and firm than at least when they finally do work out, they will be pretty sweet.
arizonasarah at 4:00 p.m.