2007-05-29
More Change Again Some More
Things are gonna change, I can feel it.
1. I am cutting off my hair. I mean, OFF. It's been fun, it's been heavy, it's been a trademark identifier but it's gone goose.
This is happening as soon as humanly possible because I've begun to think of my hair as being the problem.
It's this vestige of comfortable discomfort and this brief, weird belief I had that in order to be hottttt, I had to have my pretty, pretty hair.
Don't bother to point out that it's stupid because I'm over it.
Chop, chop; by next week, I will be a whole new me.
On the outside anyway.
2. I'm trying out for the travel team.
This has so far involved some bursitic pain in my left knee, a blister that feel more like a second degree burn covering my entire right big toe, and humiliation like I haven't felt since I started doing this shit a year ago.
I mean.... it's sort of better than that but I decided to work on not hating myself so obviously and along with letting my Inner Delilah out of the cage to mow down my Inner Sampson, I've also decided to act like I know what I'm doing and to expect the people who think I don't to not bother me.
Just the one.
Who was soundly put in her place last night and I did smile to myself, I did.
I've endured, man.
I've failed, tried again.
I've taken my cards and cashed in when I needed to, before failure forced me to.
I've retreated so as to ignore the mind games.
I'd forgotten what this group of people can do to one another and questioned if I was ready to get that much back into it.
I am.
I rule.
I'm really fucking good.
That's the only difference, see?
This time around, I know I'm goddamn good.
3. Telling people off who earn it. I had quit this for a little while because it's really off-putting.
But the fact is that when someone acts stupidly and it effects me, than that person should know about so that there is opportunity for growth and learning.
Witness:
I meet this dude at the dog park.
Turns out, he had met friend Jill a few months ago and hung out with her one evening.
He wasn't very flattering but he wasn't rude - he just made it clear that he wasn't attracted to Jill and he made the reasons clear as well.
I smelled a rat.
I called Jill.
Sure enough, while being judgmental and not very flattering toward my friend, he forgot to say that he totally got drunk and repeatedly asked her if he could touch her boobs.
This person was told off by me.
It's alright to be unflattering toward my friends.
It's cool to have your opinions and to feel like someone isn't attractive to you.
I dig that what works for me might not work for someone else.
But don't be a hypocrite. I can't even count the number of times I've gotten drunk and made-out with, or tired unsuccessfully to make out with, someone to whom I wasn't really attracted.
It happens.
We're all adults but jeez.... not mentioning wanting to paw a good friend of mine while you were recently discussing her less-than-finer points makes you less "adult" and more "asshole."
I'll tell you off for that, no proboscis.
There are some thing that won't change:
1. Hating Sallie Mae.
2. Worrying about my freakishly lead-faced, bloated, chunking off in layers skin. Facial skin, natch.
3. Rollin' my Hondy for the summer
4. Trying to get through life with a 9 degree range of acceptable temperatures.
5. OF COURSE I REALLY LOVED HIM. CHIRST. What do you want from me? It's over and it has been for years but that does not change the fact of history. Get a grip, freak-show. I'll tell you off, too.
Again.
Whatever.
arizonasarah at 12:44 p.m.