2007-10-03
Me and My Fever Blister
It took me a long time to get used to the lite rock that was piped through the over-head system; it took years for me to get used to it.
But I did and grew to love it.
I grew to enjoy the choice Celine Dion and Lionel Richie cuts so much that when the lite rock mysteriously disappeared, I was saddened and my office felt oddly quiet.
I could hear my boss obnoxiously chewing gum.
I can't take obnoxious chewing and snapping gum. Over and over, I had to hear bubbles being blown until they pop and all the gum gets sucked back in.
Gross, seriously gross.
Well, the lite rock got replaced with satellite radio and that would be okay except for one thing: lite rock on satellite radio includes songs by the band Coldplay.
I hate that band.
I hate the singer's whiney falsetto, fragile voice.
I hate the fake-sounding British accents. These dudes are English! Why do they sound fake? "Eeeiit waws awuhll yell-loww"
What was yello?
What are you talking about and why can't you use your normal voice to do it?
Even the music is just not at all appealing or interesting to me.
Now I am subjected to at least 3 Coldplay songs per day and let me tell you, I would pick a Whitney Houston Triple Play any time over a single Coldplay song on my radio.
Another change is that I have been going out.
A lot.
To bars.
With people I enjoy being around.
Hey! that's two then, huh? A I'm going out a lot and B. There are people I actually enjoy.
Nice!
There's one person who I want to call me for a date but we'll see. I did not expect to enjoy myself at all when I said I'd go out with him the first time and it's completely possible that he didn't enjoy himself at all and he will never call.
Now, I want my next boyfriend to be a gentleman so I don't want to hear from anyone saying "Call him! Don't wait! Just call!"
I have no problem calling a guy, believe me. I'm all for it.
This guy needs to call me. He's older and bit more elusive and a lot more self-disciplined than I am. If he wants to go out with me again, he'll call and it'll be best that way.
Suffice it to say, I obviously really hope that he was struck by my adorable sparkle and delighted by my ability to chatter endlessly and remarkably intelligently.
But who knows.
I have been fighting off the little cold that has been going around and true-to-form, the fever blister that's been threatening for a week popped out last night DURING MY DATE.
Not before, not after.... during.
I had a giant purple bump on my face with a pussy white center.
It's like I'm destined to fail, you know? It's like fate is disallowing me to have one great date. My Path is not one where I am afforded even one night of not having some grotesque disfigurement happening on my face.
I mean, is two hours too much to ask?
Two hours with an attractive, older man who values much of the same things I value in life and who is probably a freak in the sack - all I wanted was 2 hours of looking fine so that I could see if I dug this dude or not.
And I did and I get home and I go to wash my face and brush my teeth and a fever blister the size and roughly the shape of Wisconsin is pulsating like an alien probe on my face.
Why
Me?
It's a reasonable question by now, wouldn't you say? Nothing more than a couple of months of waiting for one person or the other to realize that this is a charade and it would never work and I looked fine through those dates.
So I FINALLY go out with the kind of guy, with a compatible and interesting and employed and attractive dog-owning guy and I leave looking like a dirty hag.
I mean, at some point, I am going to have to be irresistably attractive on many levels to someone!
The Law of Averages says that at some point, I am bound to hit pay-dirt.
It's not like I am a hermit so I am "out there." It's not that I don't date - I do and sometimes I even accept dates for practice, knowing that I'm not into the guy at all.
I'm not ugly.
I mean.... it only makes sense that at some point, someone is going to have to be attracted to me for reals.
In the meantime, I'm going to be sitting at home for a couple of days, listening to Delilah After Dark and nursing the Leprosy looking lesion on my face, praying to the god of Second Dates that me and my fever blister get asked out again soon.
arizonasarah at 1:05 p.m.