2006-01-30

It's Only a Dream


I’m pressed for time lately but I wanted to share the most beautiful dream I ever had. It was sometime last week… maybe Friday?
I don’t know.
I can’t remember dreams unless they are visceral; unless I can feel them through my senses in the same way I would feel an experience if I was awake. This dream is interesting because I usually don’t have visceral dreams that are good dreams. When I have a lot of dreams that I remember the next day, or the next, they tend to be dark and scary.
But this dream was perfect, literally and texturally perfect.
I don’t think that I have prophetic dreams and so I don’t think that this dream meant anything at all but it was, unequivocally, one of the most beautiful feelings I have ever experienced.


I have these friends who have two children. One of them was the star of my dream. I don’t have any particular connection to this little girl, or to her sister, so the fact that she was the star of my dream was really, really random.
Here’s the dream:
The child, who is around age 9 in real-life, was also around age 9 in my dream; she had a farm.
It was beautiful, like the very essence of the very word.
Beautiful.

It was bright but there was no glare on the white-washed buildings. There was grass and it was soft and green, like in the best of summers in Illinois. Trees out across the field, my brown shoes in the grass, my red shirt that I saw when I looked down… every color was pitch-perfect and so acute that you could hear them and taste them.
I could smell the colors in this dream.

You’ve probably had dreams like this and I hope you got to remember them, too.

The little girl was the most peaceful human being I have ever, ever, ever met.

I’ve never felt that much peace coming from anyone, in real life or in dreams, as I felt coming from her in this dream. In real life, she is a regular little girl in that she is exceptional in every way.
Because girls rule, that’s why.

In my dream, we were not strangers and I wasn’t surprised to see that when I got to the farm, she was very much and very obviously, in charge. Also, I didn’t travel to get to her farm. I just arrived. She was standing by a fence, talking to her horse, with her hands on her hips, as I sat my bags down. They both glanced over at me and they looked kind of serious. She kind of gave me the “hold on one sec finger” and finished talking to her horse.

I was wearing a soft red shirt and it smelled like my clean laundry.

The horse was just a horse and didn’t have any human characteristics at all. It was, however, clearly her right-hand, in-command. It followed her everywhere, inside and outside and it was constantly taking notes. How it was taking notes, I have no idea because it didn’t have like a horse-pen and spiral notebook or anything. But trust me – that horse wrote down everything that the little girls said. She also had a kitten who, coincidentally, I recognized as her real little sister. The little girl carried this tiny kitten in a basket on her arm and not once did she look uncomfortable with the awkwardness of the basket… it was like it was a part of her to always be carrying it.

In the dream, I could feel how the sun was perfectly warm, and how the birds sounded in the trees. There was nothing weird or scary or dangerous, looming or possibly looming in the dream. It was, I guess, what some people probably imagine when they think of heaven, and I only say that because the farm looked like an inspired movie version of heaven.
The difference from it being on a movie screen was that I could FEEL everything. I could feel warm sun and smell grass and the little girl?
She took people in.
She took me in.
The dream was long but it was only about feeling wonderful; there wasn’t any specific action that I remember. I know that I was going to be staying at her farm for a bit, that we knew each other and that most of her guests were strangers whom she took in. She was kind of taking me in but also kind of not. Regardless, it was the most robustly blissful place I’ve ever been.

Oh!!!
WAIT a MINUTE.
I take that back!!!!
I DO remember more – I JUST remembered this as I was typing!
She was finishing with my tour and she had to excuse herself because there were more people arriving; rather, they were scheduled to arrive. There were a few people already there – nobody who I knew and I think they were strangers to her as well, like people who just need a place to be. There was nothing crowded or threatening or anything about more people.

She excused herself, she told me that we might not get to talk for a long time but that she was really happy I could be there and that she hoped I would want to help her once I got settled in. It was like her peace kind of extended to me or maybe even vice-versa… now that I've thought about it and found some more of the dream to remember, it could have been that she was giving me that last bit of space that I need to get myself together and feel capable and constant, you know?
Like I have so much to do that here is a place I can go and just feel full and quiet so that I am able to do the things I have to do.
I must have been going there to stay for a little while and while it wasn’t expected that I do anything helpful; very powerfully, I felt the ease with which a person can be productive and helpful if she is at peace.

Man, I LOVE when you are talking about a dream and then remember even more of it.
AWESOME!

Anyway.
That dream?
And talking to the little girl?
It was the most relaxed I have every felt in my life.
I mean, not to be cheesy or whatever.
It was a only dream but I am basking in that dream the same way that I can lie in the sun for hours and not feel anything more than perfect, perfect perfect.

I don’t have a huge connection to this little girl but I did mention the dream to her mother and her mom told me that the little girl was named for a character in a movie who took people in and who eventually led many children to safety right as the Japanese began to invade China.

Weird right?

But even more weird is that I seriously think that I might have felt what heaven feels like in that dream. No drug or experience has ever even come close to how I felt in that dream - I am going to make it a part of my life’s work to try to feel that bliss of acceptance and pureness at least once in my waking life.
It was the most amazing feeling I have ever, ever had.

Jeez, even writing about it is making me smiley and comfortable.

arizonasarah at 2:18 p.m.

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