Stand In the Place Where You Are

Here are some differences:

1. "I'm going to watch Iceage tonight."
I, on the other hand, have not willingly seen or enjoyed an animated movie in 30 years. This statement dose not include any movies watched during college or under the influence of psychedelic mushrooms, which were all consumed in college anyway.
I like Snow White and I like Fantasia but chances are 100% I will never see Toy Story or Monsters, Inc.

2. "Nurse Ratched. That rings a bell but I'm not really sure why."
I shouldn't have to explain why this is troublesome.

3. "I don't own running shoes."
Admittedly, I don't run in mine very often.
But if I needed to run, I have them.
And there's no arguing with how much skating I do nor is there any debate about dense healthy muscles, a relatively active life, and a life-long curiosity in what happens to my body when I do this or that or the other thing.
Currently, I'm into bruises so I would think it would be weird to make out with someone who not only doesn't have bruises from zealous work-outs but who only vaguely understands that phrase, "work-out".

4. "So ummmm.... " This standing around after a date. It was cute the first time. It was fun the second time because of how I made up little stories and scenes and fleshed out why you insisted upon standing there instead of asking me out, getting in your car, and calling me the next day to confirm.
The third time?
I was freezing.
And not in the mood to help you out.
I'm clearly going to agree to see you at some other time in the future. I've now seen you three times, there's not too much of a question that I would say yes if you asked.

This is interesting.
I don't have any problem initiating conversation, dates, etc.
Unless I feel like I have to.
I know where I stand in this possible bud of a relationship... I know because I asked.
I'm liked.
A lot.
And I'm pretty, according to him, so you know I'm in because that's basically all it takes to make me notice you.

But everytime?
I can't think of things to do, make plans, and tell someone when to call me every freaking time we end a date.
"But I never do anything so you tell me when you want to hang out!"

You find something you want to do that you think I would enjoy.
I will agree to do that activity based on my schedule which is mostly comprised of rollerderby, yoga, and work. There aren't a lot of surprises in my schedule.

I'm open to most things except, animated movies where most of the audience is going to stand around, not a water cooler to discuss the film, but a grammar school locker.

I eat, which makes dating me supremely easy because you can take me ANYWHERE.
I won't eat raw tomatoes but I'll try the stuff you like.

And he knows this.
He knows that I've jumped out of a plane, that I really come alive like a shark during hitting drills, that I really don't hesitate when it comes to arming myself with my ex-boyfriend's baseball bat that his dad gave me when I first moved out here and using said bat to swing at creepy home-intruders, that I've trained my dog to leap from the ground onto my shoulder (the left one), and that I probably could be described many days, as "voracious."

I like the dude.
He likes me.
There's not a question of saying yes or no to an invitation to meet up for some grub.
Yes is expected.

And yet when the activity is over, we stand there and I'm waiting.
I'm waiting....
I'm standing around, I'm waiting....
"... "
"... "
"Why can't I just do this?"
"I dunno dude. What is it you're trying to do?"
"You know... "
"Then you don't like me or you're seeing other people who you like more."
"That's not true! I told you that's not true. I'm just not good at this. I don't have game."

It was, as I said, so sweet the first time we stood in front of our cars not really knowing how to gracefully end the afternoon.
It was fun the second time, again, because I had fun trying to make it fun.
This last time, and I was feeling shards of frustration begin to sharpen in my blood.

Maybe this isn't so interesting as I thought it was.
Maybe I'm having a really shitty day, which actually isn't a maybe at this point, but maybe....

I thought this would be really good, you know? to meet a guy who is cute and centered and responsible and who I like to talk to and who's different from me in that there's not all the fidgeting.
I thought that to meet a guy who's bringing me back down to Earth during the times when I drift off into where ever it is I go when I am either very sad or very excited; I thought that to meet a guy who was like that was all I really wanted.
But I found that a guy like that is hard to find. Guys who match me in experience and willingness are usually great big drunks.
Guys who don't match me tend to become resentful of my ability to try things, they become manipulative of my joie, or they just don't get it and treat me like I'm quite immature.

I don't know what to think about God's Gift to Iowa right now.
I'm having a Very Bad Day, no doubt.
My vision is blurred by fantasies of squealing peel-outs and unsubtle rampages of terror-inspiring anger.

I don't know what to think.

I think I'm going to mention to him that the standing around thing is... past the point of being cute.

I mentioned hating cartoons and haven't had a reply.
Hey, it's not like I just popped off about them, I was told I'd learn all about them and it was only fair for me to describe my life-long disinterest in animation.

There's a little drama about a ropes course. I've made it clear that I would DIE to get to do a ropes course for free.

It's the standing around that's the issue.
I don't want to be the driver all the time. I'm a girl who like a manly man; that's not a secret.
For a guy to wait
and wait
and wait
for something to change and for it suddenly to become easy to offer the next date or the first kiss... I lose my patience.
I lose my interest.
I don't want to lose that - this is a GREAT guy.

arizonasarah at 2:38 p.m.

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