The Mall

I've got a gift certificate to The Mall.

This would be awesome except that I am over-whelmed with the possibilities.
I haven't shopped in an actual mall since like, 1999 and so I'm not 100% about how to approach this.

Back in the nineties, I would have parked illegally but conveniently at the door nearest Express, pulled several pairs of black pants, a strapless mini-dress, and 2/$35 deep vee tee shirts off the rack, shoved my credit card to the salesgirl and even with drive time there-and-back, it would have taken me about 20 minutes to be in my bedroom trying to decide what of my new clothes would be lucky enough to get worn to work the next day.

Now, I am gifted with the chance to not spend any of my own money and still buy things at the mall and I the first thing I think is "I have to get online and see what stores have what stuff at the mall!" I'm pretty sure I know generally what time it is at the mall but anything specific and not Ann Taylor is confusing to me.

I've narrowed things down to some choice places where it looks likely for me to find clothes that are designed for people 10 years younger than me so I feel like I'm in good shape so far with this project. I normally spend a lot more money than I could be spending if I did shop at the mall and I'm spending it in funky hip stores on clothes that are either used or expensively torn. Both syles can be described as scrub chic and both are better suited, I'm sure, to people who are still in grad school.

I'm thinking about calling Jill Doyle or my Consort to keep me on task but the trouble is that Jill Doyle will get me drunk and instead of the jeans and yoga pants I need for my upcoming vacation with my mother (choke), I'll leave the mall with a little doggy raincoat for Rosie and at least four pairs of flip flops and maybe, like, some socks.
My Consort just wouldn't understand why I can't park illegally but conveniently and leave my credit card number on file with all of the mall stores that are owned by the same company so I can pop in any time and charge everything I want.

My main goal is to maximize my needs but still not be bored and then go spend other money at American Apparel or ZoŽ or some other, non-mall store.

I have to be able to get a little funky at the mall.

This can't be impossible.

I also can't go overboard on responsible work clothes because then I'll go to Buffalo Exchange and justify any spending by promising myself that I'll eat all of the left-overs in my fridgem that I'll spend no money on food for the next four days.
This is a promise that I make often and never keep, proving that ultimately I can't be trusted when it comes to either food or clothes.

If I can score at the mall, and I mean SCORE, then it will be a good weekend.
I want to feel that slightly sick excitement - a woozy high brought on by loving your new jeans, yoga pants, and flats so very much that you try to figure out how to wear all of them at once when you go to the video store AGAIN and sort of use a system of hair-in-the-eyes/hiding in the stacks to check out if your crush is flirting with other female customers.

If I could score jeans, yoga pants, spring work pants, flats, and maybe a cute top at the mall then I would feel like I was successful at the mall.

I think the main thing now is to just go for it and see what happens.
It's the mall, so it's reasonable to assume that I won't be purchasing any rollerderby tee-shirts from other leagues (which has become a ridiculous line in the budget table) and I won't be buying any sunglasses because they won't be sitting there staring at me while I wait in a very long Saturday line at Buffalo.

I can do this.
I can go to the mall and feel good afterwards.

I can do this because I have to do it.
My mom is not into scrub chic and I have a hunch that my current wardrobe of holey Urban Outfitter jeans and stanky workout pants with rips in the hem from hours of falling drills last winter.... I have a feeling those aren't going to go over very well at all.

And that's cool... I can see how it might look weird for me to show up in all of my scrubby glory with chunks of my face falling off.

At least my face stopped hurting.
I think that running bleachers in the rain may have actually helped and that perhaps for my next trip to Casa Video, I won't have to play so much Hidey Face.

When did things reach a point where it became a good idea to burn off the first few layers of your face in order to look your age?
Which in actuality is to look like 8 - 10 years younger than your actual age?

Why can't it be 1873?
No worries about ratty yoga pants because:
A. No pants and
B. Clothes were generally ratty from being washed in lye and worn during activities of farming or pioneering.

No worries about looking fresh-faced:
A. At my age, I would probably have been dead by now and
B. If I wasn't dead, my face and hands would be like fine shoe leather and so would those of all of my friends.

No worries about Casa Video:
A. There was no purposely messy/uncool aesthetic as style was all about the overalls and
B. No videos or DVDs.

Oh well.
I'm going shopping.

arizonasarah at 2:13 p.m.

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