2007-05-16

Fuck You

I am feeling awfully sorry for myself lately.
And I don't think this bothers me too much - I've earned my right to suffer from being misunderstood, under-valued, lonely, ugly, oppressed, and screwed by the circumstance of history.

I get really worried about the War in Iraq, like physically and emotionally upset about it.
I know I'm ultra-hyper-extra-sensitive and that I feel things at a weird level but it sometimes makes me freak out when I think about the War and about the current historical situation.
I hate it so much, like to the point where it gives me grey hair and makes my skin feel dirty.

Yes.
I hate it.
I don't want to be like a bunch of post-Vietnam babies who had it so good for so long that we never had to think about anything serious until now. I don't want to be like other people my age and pretend like it's still not very important and that the only things going on in the world are celebrity gossip and good TV shows.
At the same time, I can't blame them for not feeling this on a very real level. Many of our parents were born after WW2 but they were too yonug for Viet-Nam.
What's ral for the Sesame Street Generation?

Thay can't really be expected to know how to think in the terms that would allow us to understand the true gravity of this place in American History. It is so painful to think about on an actual, physical level, that I can't immerse myself in news and politics so I can't really expect others to do so, either. But I do have these periods of getting it, of getting that what's going on right now is going to screw me for life.

And for once in my life, I refuse to give any credit to The Other Side, even if it is due.
Fuck you, Other Side.

This war was NEVER was right.
I was lied to and the lies continue, which I mean... come ON already.
Let it go like Tony Blair.

It doesn't have anything to do with terrorism or democracy. The fact that so many people have been morally taken advantage of because they believed in lies and then became too deep in it through family ties to the military or whatever... that's so wrong on so many levels. I'd like to offer a hearty "Fuck You" on their behalves.
When they close their eyes at night and feel something that they can't say?
That's your fault, Other Side.
Maybe they can't say "Fuck You" but I can and I did and I will again.

Tax cuts?
That make it easier for the 4 or 5 people in this country who have 80% of the money to have even MORE money?
It's ludicrous that you try to manipulate people into believing that because they only apply to a few people then they don't affect the Many. Follow the money, peeps. If 80% of the wealth is being affected, it doesn't matter that only 4 individuals are being affected. It MATTERS that a whole shit-load of money isn't taxable. The government does things like pay for wars with taxes. This means that you and I have to may more to make up for all those dollars that "only affect a few people."
So I'd like to offer another "Fuck You."
Fuck You to the fact that my generation is the first one that will not exceed our parents in terms of financial success.
Straight up!
Other Side, you have signed the contract for my future by nature of the fact that you've tied up all the money I could be making and allowed it to siphon off to the already-rich and then to not be taxed as heavily.
The left-over money in my checking account is so shy and naive it is literally shaking and cowering and instead of building its self-esteem with easy-to-access clean mortgages and incentives to bomb Sallie Mae, you sent a dirty-dicked war to rape my money.
Fuck you for that.
I, and so many of my peers, will be lucky to EVER own a house the way our parents owned houses.
I will be lucky to someday NOT be waiting for payday so that I have cash to fill up my car an extra time without budgeting it and plannig when I'll fuel up.
Fuck you for giving me and 70% of my fellow educated Americans a lifetime of paycheck-to-paycheck living.Br>And a constant feeling of being looked down upon by our parents for not being as successful as they are.
We worked just as hard and we're gonna get about an eighth of the return, thanks entirely to you and your refusal to accept the fact that you have made grievous errors.
Fuck you for making Masters-degreed me be a part of the working poor who has to vacation in Las Vegas instead of getting to go to Europe.
Maybe when things get really bad, I'll quit derby and have the luxury of taking up a second job so that I can go to England on vacation. I hope I get to go before I am too old to enjoy it!

Now, I'm no Socialist.
I love Capitalism - there's a niche for every one.
I even think that Wal-Mart works. It makes room for trendy little boutiques and coffee shops and tattoo parlors where people once shopped for hardware or fabric.
It offers a place to a hell of a lot more people than the hardware store on the corner ever did and it offers affordable insurance, which isn't something the Mom and Pop store can say.
But I digress.
I'm still hating on the Other Side.
But speaking of insurance and pensions and the future, do you know who else I'm going to be paying for? Besides that disease known as the War in Iraq?
Everyone!
Because My Side is going to come into power and in order to clean up all of the mess of consumer-driven and privatized health-care drama that's been created in the last 8 years, in order to take care of all that, guess what's gonna have to happen?
EVERYONE will have to contribute more.
"Everyone" includes ME, obviously.
So Fuck You, AGAIN, for the fact of my fear of the future and the nugget of despair that sits in my gut all the time.
Fuck You for making it so that I will forever be chasing a level of success that my parents achieved and that I will never, ever get to.
Fuck You.

As you can see, I am very angry.
I don't really care about justifications and calming down.

I'm so disgusted by the way the course has been set for a future that includes, but is not limited to:
Less financial success
More poor people
Continued hysteria with regard to terrorists (I mean, wake up people. If we spent half of what we spend in Iraq on intelligence and defense at home, we would be pretty assured of busting out any terrorist plots against us by Evil-Doers. Hello? Duh…)
Steady and ongoing reduction of personal freedoms, due in part to the hysteria above and in part to the ultra-conservative religious agenda.
More religion.

This country…. It's in one of those awful times when it just doesn't even understand what it's doing and how the lasting effects of today's actions have set up a couple of generations for actual failure.
Not meeting a goal set for you is failure.
Not finding WMD is failure.
Not having a functional democratic government by now is failure.
Not thinking ahead to the fact that you've made it impossible for me to meet the goals laid out for me by nature of the status of my birth and the expectations of my parents means that YOU FAILED ME.

Fuck YOU.

arizonasarah at 1:11 p.m.

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