This blog has sucked for almost a year.
That's because I have sucked for almost a year.
There's a medical reason and I am almost in the clear of figuring it out and how to proceed with it.

It's affecting two major systems in my body resulting in troubles with my skin crawling all the time and being exhausted all the time and lots of other weird, uncomfortable things.

I'm like, less than a week away from figuring it out.

Not that I'm the kind of person who would pray to have a major malfunction but.... years of not having a bunch of fucked up things tie together is kind of leading me to a place where I actually do want a diagnosis and a treatment.

My skin has been off and on a painful itchy mess for years.
I sweat all the time.
No matter what I do for diet and exercise, I don't lose weight. I lose inches but if I eat solid food, I don't drop weight. Things got really weird this summer when I gained ten pounds for no reason. I work out 4-6 days per week and really watch what I eat, even going so far as to not eat processed sugar. I gained 10 pounds this summer. Yeah, I said it again.
That's not normal and that's the story of my life and my figure.
The only times I lost weight were times when I quit eating.
This is not an option right now, at the very least given my derby work outs.

I have all kinds of other, more personal things that have always kind of been around but that started to get crazy.
Like the sweating.
Sure it's funny but.... not really.

So in the last three months, things have gotten really weird and really physically painful with some stuff in my joints and now, if you ask me if I think there's something wrong beyond, "I'm just really ultra-sensitive, please understand"
then I will tell you that yes, I think there is something going on.
Yes, there is and I think that shortly, it's going to be figured out and that any future deterioration can be stopped.

And I can finally get on with things the way so many healthier people get on with them.
You know, things like trusting your deodorant, not gaining 3 pounds in 5 days while eating Cheerios for dinner, and not having a different crazy rash on at least on appendage every single day.

That would be nice, it would.
that would let me get back to being comfortable and confident and funny and believing that I'm attractive, not to mention allowing me to type without my fingers aching and to not watch my legs swell to 1.5 their normal size each day.

arizonasarah at 12:58 p.m.

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