Things I've Done That Are Not Cool

Things I've Done That Are Not Cool

1. Exiting the moving vehicle.
For effect.
I mean, he was GOING to stop because I was NOT going to stop but as soon as I believed I had a reasonable chance of not busting up any of the major assets, I went for it.
He was braking, you know, by the side of the road and the car had not come to a complete stop.
This happened and embarrassing two times... maybe more but god, I hope not.
Well, there was a third time that I attempted this act but we were on the Interstate and it was night and I was pretty drunk so I lost my nerve pretty quick that time.
Once he drove off for awhile and I was admittedly becoming concerned about being left in the Illinois boonies with no actual idea of how to get to his friends' house, which is where we were going in the first place.
He took his time coming back for me.
The first time, I was near my grandma's house.
Not walking distance, per se, but near enough to be able to find it anyway.
This was actually the first time and there was no driving away, only a quick angry trip around the block before my boyfriend was spotted creeping his Honda behind my drab olive khakis and Camel Lights.

2. Leaving parties at my house
This has happened quite a bit, actually.
Sometimes it's because I was distracted by someone and left to find out more.
Sometimes I was pissed and unreasonable about some dumb thing that only the very young and very drunk could be upset over.
Again, it was for effect but it was also because I didn't want to be there and saw no real reason to continue being provoked in my own house.

Fight or Flight issue?
I think I flee when I can't fight.
In the car, boyfriends are weird about driving safely and not wanting to have a tearful screaming match.
When there's a party at your house, you don't want to be the bitch that starts a fight because then people won't come to your parties anymore.

3. Made people feel really guilty/successfully feigned total shock when someone would think I would do something really uncool that I actually did do
This is sometimes pretty cool.
I mean, there are times when a person should feel guilty.
But if they already feel bad, there's no need for me to exploit that weakness for my own moral gain, right?
Generally, I've begun to be more aware of when I do this and to think that mayhap, I should not do it.
My days of jumping out of moving cars and leaving my own parties are over but yeah, I'm still working on emotional vampirism.
As for the feigning of anything, anywhere, I've been over that shit for awhile.
It's totally more baddass to admit to the times when you're a real jerk than to be a jerk and then be "appalled" that someone would think so lowly of you.

4. Thrown things at people.
You know, like beers and shoes.
Thank god I have no aim and that is all I'm saying about that.

arizonasarah at 3:49 p.m.

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